


The Ghost Note Symphonies (Bonus Tracks)

by she_dies_at_the_end



Series: The Rockstar Saga [2]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Punk, Disabled Character, Eventual Romance, F/M, Music, POV First Person, Role Reversal, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Rebellion, Trauma, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24325792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_dies_at_the_end/pseuds/she_dies_at_the_end
Summary: Sometimes there's more to the album than just the base songs. These are the bonus tracks that don't quite fit in with the full release, but expand the story all the same. These are the tales from different perspectives or the nitty gritty details on the lulls in the plot. Basically one shots, but helps to have read the Punk of Podunk!
Relationships: Judy Hopps/Nick Wilde
Series: The Rockstar Saga [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756195
Comments: 125
Kudos: 143





	1. Bonus Track 10.5: "Che"

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks! Like the summary says, these are stories that might not make a lot of sense unless you follow PoP though I tried to keep them largely self contained! They will be labelled according in both stories so finding where they fit chronologically is as painless as possible.
> 
> This chapter follows Judy texting Jack, happening after Track 10 but before Track 11. Hope you enjoy the little bit of insight into Jack's life in the city!

“I don’t have to tell you a dang thing. You’re not a real cop, rabbit.”

I was fast growing tired of the polar bear’s insults, almost as much as I was sick of hearing his lawyer attempt to correct them.

“My client would like to rephrase that statement. For the record.”

I sighed and leaned into the book pile on my chair. We had been at it for hours, trying to weasel anything that might be useful in our investigation out of a Mister Vladimir Koslov in regards to his less than savory background. There was no way a simple ice cream sales mammal could afford diamond studded cufflinks and a fancy lawyer to boot. But I had kindly been informed that it was not my business to question these things, even when they pointed to corruption. So long as Koslov paid his taxes and followed the rules, he was untouchable.

Until he got pulled over for a speeding ticket. Which led to me noticing some misplaced panels in the back of his vehicle. Which led to investigation with probable cause. Which led to finding stolen merchandise.

That was about four hours ago. It had been a very long night.

“We’ve run the search on the plants you’re carrying,” I said. “Stolen from an Emmet Otterton. He filed a report on some missing midnicampum holicithias seedlings last Monday. And you’re telling me you don’t have an explanation as to why you have fifty pounds of burrow fodder in a hidden compartment of your car?”

“I wanted to pretty up my garden,” the polar bear shrugged. “Didn’t feel like paying for it, so I stole it. That’s the end of the story, Officer Savage. Again. For the fortifth time. How long do you plan on holding me here?”

“Until I hear a better reason than that. Or in twenty hours. Your pick.”

Twenty four hours was the legal limit for holding onto someone with an investigation before placing charges. And I intended to use every minute of it. Koslov was a crime boss and everyone knew it. There were very few businesses in Tundratown that didn’t have a seedy underbelly in regards to the wrong side of the law. But on the streets, the names Koslov and Big were attached to the biggest baddies and had equal weight in pull, equal territory, equal family sizes and similar interests.

Unfortunately, Tundratown was too small a playground for the two of them to play in.

A little of my own previous research told me that Mr. Otterton had his own ties to the Big family, which led me to come to my own obvious conclusions. This thievery was some sort of strike at Koslov’s rival. I might have been the type to say let the two criminals have their own spats with each other, if it wasn’t my job as a cop to stop that sort of thing. And I had come to learn things weren’t quite that simple. When the big fish thrashed about in the pond, they tended to leave ripples that affected everyone.

“Gotta say,” continued Koslov. “You are one of the most insufferable bunnies I’ve ever met.”

“That means I’m doing my job then,” I replied, sipping at my tea. “And I’m a hare. Not a bunny.”

“Rabbits can’t be cops. Shouldn’t you be back at your farm growing carrots?”

“I’ve never even left the city before, Koslov. Stay focused. What’s so special about these plants in particular that you had to steal them and keep them under wraps? Farmers use them for keeping bugs away from crops. And yet here you are treating them like you’re carrying a metric ton of catnip.”

“They taste good. You should try a bite sometime.”

“I’ll pass. Let’s try another brand of questions then. Where were you headed? I pulled you over in Central Savannah. The pits of the place, near the abandoned districts. That’s a long way from home for you, isn’t it?”

It was also close enough to Marla to be worried about her. Knowing that a crime lord would be skulking about my backyard was more than enough reason for me to take this matter seriously. And on my way to the precinct Founder’s Day party, of all things.

“I have friends all over the city, rabbit. I’m not allowed to visit them?”

“Near the abandoned train station?”

“He’s a bit down on his luck. We can’t all be hotshot poster boys meant only to serve as propaganda for the city bigwigs.”

“Again,” interrupted his lawyer. “My client would like that stricken from the record.”

I sighed. We were starting to go in circles again. Koslov was getting used to my brand of interrogation. I’d leave and let him stew in silence for about ten minutes. Then I’d come back and start the questions from the top again. The plan was to eventually wear him down into slipping. Though, it being close to midnight, it was hard to say who was going to get tired of it first. Me or him.

I rose from my book pile and swirled the remains of my tea.

“We can keep this up all night Koslov,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

At that announcement, there was a slight kink in the polar bear’s armor. A brief tick in his eyebrow that led to a slight frown.

“I have my son’s birthday party to attend tomorrow, rabbit. I’d rather not be late. He’s only four and I haven’t missed one yet.”

That was a lame excuse if I ever did hear one. A crime lord would say just about anything to make you feel sorry for him. Even use his own children as an escape route.

“Then maybe you should consider telling the truth to speed things along quicker. Think it over some.”

I left the both of them in the interrogation room to talk things over, stepping out into the observation deck just beyond the two way mirror. Anyone who might have been watching us had long left the station for the night. And I doubted the night guys had any interest in seeing me go back and forth with a polar bear and his timid lawyer.

Not that I minded the quiet. It was nice to catch a breather with how heated things could get talking to a perp. Most officers might get intimidated knowing they had to go toe to toe with a mobster like Koslov. Me, I was livid. There was only so much pompous behavior I could stand before I needed a breather to cool my head. Any mammal like that, with low opinions of rabbits in the police, drove me nuts. Coupled with my own troubles from the night.

_ I am supposed to be at a party tonight _ , I mentally mumbled to myself. _ Drinking cheap beer and playing a few card games with Wolford and Fangmeyer. So, here you are, Jack. Drinking cold tea and playing hot potato with an angry polar bear instead. Wonderful trade, really. _

As in most troublesome situations, I did what any modern mammal would do and consulted my cell phone for comfort. I knew it was a bad habit, especially after I convinced Nick to get one for his trip to Bunnyburrow. I made him promise that he wouldn’t spend his whole life on it when he moved in, meaning I couldn’t be seen as a hypocrite to my own advice. But I desperately needed some sort of distraction.

_ Speak of the devil. _ As soon as I pulled my phone out, it buzzed with a new message.

[hey, u there?]

Nick’s empty avatar flashed impatiently as his text faded away. Almost too fast to process what it said. I emptied the remains of my drink into the trash and thumbed a quick reply.

[Still up? I thought you had that townhall party to cover.]

[it ended early. tho something came up. wats ur excuse?]

If Nick’s first text didn’t cause me to raise an eye, his language in the second message sent up some red flags. Too forceful to be him, when he usually liked to beat around the bush. The language was also a problem. That could lead to only one logical conclusion.

_ This isn’t Nick. _

[Okay. Who are you?]

[wat r u talking about?]

[You’re acting way too strange to even think about pulling a fast one on me like that. What do you think I am? Stupid?]

[yes.]

I snarled a bit, every bit thankful that the night brought with it some privacy in the dark of the interrogation lobby.

[Who are you?] I repeated. [You realize that you’re impersonating an officer and have stolen their private device?]

[i didnt do a single one of those things.]

[Lying to a police officer is just as bad.]

[theres nothing in the law that states anything about lying unless its under oath. and i never lied. better than u and the hopps girl, at least]

The clues were adding up to the identity of Nick’s mysterious hacker, if you could even call someone that. It was a crime right up there with ‘hacking’ a FurBook account and the texter seemed to know it by how smug they were about it. Familiarity with the law. Smart mouth. And they knew about my search into the files on Judy Hopps. That could lead me to only one logical conclusion.

[ _ You’re _ the Hopps girl.]

[bingo, nirlock.]

There were easily a hundred questions going through my mind. But I started with the most pressing of them all.

[What happened to Nick? Is he alright?]

[wat? u think i murdered him or something?]

[Answer my question or I will call a TUSK squad down so hard on your butt that they’ll remove Bunnyburrow from the map.]

[i might actually like to see that.]

I almost snapped back at her with another threat were it not for the ellipsis signaling another reply underway.

[relax. ur boyfriend is fine. he’s getting pillows and stuff for our slumber party.]

[He’s not my boyfriend,] I couldn’t type the words fast enough. [Slumber party? What the heck is going on?]

[wouldn’t u like to kno?]

My mind jumped to the worst possible places. I thought about high school again, when we were both young and stupid. Still trying to figure out girls, only to discover they figured out boys a long time ago. And I remembered what happened after that.

[What? Are you manipulating him? And how the heck did you get his personal phone?]

[i acquired it by picking it up when it was just left there. easy enough. he doesn’t even set a password for the thing. can’t blame me for that.]

[So, you did steal it then.]

[i didn’t steal a thing. way to think the worst of someone u never even met before.]

[I know your type,] I shot back. [Punks who think that they’re owed the world because of a few bad things that happen to them. You aren’t the only one with problems, you know.]

[thx dad.]

In the back of my mind, I began to appreciate just how much patience Nick had to be able to deal with this little brat for a month straight. Teenager or not, I would have brought the hammer of justice down hard on her after the first week of even a little lip. That thought dispelled the admiration I had for my best friend. Nick went way too easy on her and now he was paying for it.

[Start answering my questions.]

[i have been. u just don’t pay attention. or believe me. how did a hare like u become a cop?]

[Oh, you did not just go there...]

I was in no mood to be getting reamed on that subject by both my perp  _ and  _ an angsty rabbit. One might think that someone who had been in the same boat as me, facing the same discredits in our separate attempts to become police officers, would be a little more considerate to such a plight.

[i wanted to get a better idea of just who had been digging around my files in the city. ur about what i expected.]

[And what is that supposed to mean?]

[ur arrogant. and thickheaded. and nosy, if reading thru these older texts is any clue.]

I huffed. [That’s rich coming from the one reading private text messages between two friends.]

[i call it payback. u stuck ur nose in where it didn’t belong. i’m just returning the favor. at least the fox was decent enough to apologize about it.]

[He has a name.]

[and so do u. do u know u have a zikipedia page? i wonder how ZPD might react to hear one of their star officers was abusing his status by searching thru the personal records of a minor. u know? i’m sure some lawyer would love to spin that as some perverted hare creeping on underage girls. might be all the ammo someone needs to put ur butt in the fire.]

My fingers paused. That threat wasn’t enough to get me fired, I knew my name had too much pull in the politics of the city to ever earn me a pink slip. But it would complicate matters and be a massive pain to deal with. And there might even be punishment from both the city and the chief. I would have started to come up with ways to counter such a charge were it not for her next message.

[i’m not gonna do it,] she replied. [not unless you push me to do it. i have enough of a bad rep here as it is without u making it worse. just so we understand each other.]

I was gripping my phone like it was someone’s throat. It was all I could do to punch in a response.

[What do you want?]

[i told u, i just wanted to see who this friend in ZPD was. i suppose some respect is a little too much to ask from a big head like u. too much ego to go around, mister bigshot cop. if ur rly looking for something from me then i’ll take a promise. promise me u’ll never go digging in my files again and i’ll drop this.]

I had no intention of going snooping around Judy Hopps’ files again after spending a whole morning doing so that one time. They were buried deep in the archives now. Easy enough to forget they even existed and respect her privacy, if that was all she was really after. The detective in me said otherwise.

[What about Nick?]

[wat about him?]

I knew Nick was going to read these messages later. There was going to be no hiding that fact. So, I struggled to put it into vague enough words that Nick might miss it but this punk would get the message, loud and clear.

[What are you planning to do with him?]

I groaned at the words and my inability to phrase them without sounding like the concerned older brother hovering over his sibling’s shoulder. Too late to turn back though, judging by Judy’s reply.

[how cute. ur worried about ur boyfriend.]

[Given the state of what I’ve heard about Bunnyburrow and its inhabitants? Yes. I’m worried about him. And if I do hear any bad news...]

[relax. i haven’t done anything. u could stand to learn to trust more people, u know.]

[Hard to do that when people go around stealing other people’s phones. I mean it. If I hear one bad thing, I will be down there before you can even finish a crappy emo band album.]

[i happen to listen to punk rock.]

[Give me your word.]

I waited longer than I normally would have for a response. Ten minutes. Long enough for a text to not go ignored. And for impatience on the other side of the line to sink.

I tapped the phone icon next to Nick’s empty avatar and brought the speaker to my ear, waiting to count the rings. But the phone dropped right into the default voicemail for every cell phone.

I let out a growl as I turned off my phone’s screen. Either the little brat had turned off Nick’s phone entirely to ignore me or the phone had died from low battery. The second option meant she and Nick were going to be out of contact until someone found a charger. That would probably take until morning, knowing Nick’s habit to put things off. Not that he would have any idea of the conversation I had been having with the little punk.

Nothing explained the mystery of how she had gotten her mitts on his phone and what the heck she meant by slumber party. And though I was chomping at the bit to get more answers, I knew I had already spent thirty minutes on her. That was three times the break I thought I was going to take to give some space with Koslov.

Suddenly, I was in no mood to be playing a patience game that would probably turn up with nothing after a night of no sleep. It was bad enough listening to his ‘not a real cop’ speech. To know some other rabbit had the nerve to question me being a real police officer was enough to get me stomping back into the interrogation room.

“You’re free to go,” I tried my best to not let my tone of voice betray my mood. “I charge you, Vladmir Koslov, with petty larceny. Expect a court summons in a few days by mail.”

Both Koslov and his lawyer shared a glance with each other. Koslov spoke up first.

“You’re serious?”

“No, I’m Savage,” I said standing by the door and trying not to make eye contact. “Officer Savage. If you have any complaints, you can attest them in court using that name for reference. I’m sure the judge will be  _ very  _ familiar with it. Now, please, kindly leave.”

Even with my clear explanation, the two mammals continued to stare at me much like a sheep does to a plate of fresh cut grass.

“Out,” I stated more firmly, that I’d even give Bogo a run for his money in tone.

The lawyer scampered away like typical prey. Even being a little rabbit, all it took was baring your teeth slightly with the right tone of voice and you could send a lot of mammals in the city scurrying. Animal instincts and all that.

Koslov, however, lingered for a bit.

“What gives, rabbit? You said you were keeping me here all night.”

I grunted at my old stubbornness. “Were you going to tell me anything if I did?”

“No.”

“Then it would have been pointless. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object and all that. Best to just cut out the middle mammal. We both have better things to do with our evening.”

Seeing as it was already almost midnight, the party I was supposed to be at was probably almost over. Or the guys would be too drunk for it to be enjoyable and I didn’t care too much about joining them at this point. I needed to go talk to Marla, who had probably just finished her night shift at the hour. She would know what to do and if I should be worried about Nick or not.

Koslov’s lawyer had long gone, leaving the polar bear himself lingering in the doorway. I passed him to collect the files I left scattered on the interrogation table. I could feel his eyes on my back as he sighed.

“Off the record,” muttered Koslov. “Someone in the city’s buying up the flower. In secret.”

My ear raised and I turned around. “The holicithias? Who? Why?”

Koslov shrugged and then shook his head. He wasn’t going to say anymore. Or didn’t know anymore. He had waited until he had been out of the room, and away from the recording mics, to tell me. I processed the meaning of his words before smirking. I suppose a little kindness went a long way. Even with crime bosses.

“I see. Wish your son a happy birthday for me.”


	2. Bonus Track 17.5: “Playing Catch With .22 (Oil in Water)”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Nick has been busy having the best summer of his life, Judy has been having a very different sort of summer it seems. Pining and non-consensual cuddles ahead!
> 
> This chapter is set to take place sometime between Track 17 and Track 18 of the main story, so you might want to read both to have a little context!

Bonus Track 01.2: “Playing Catch With .22 (Oil in Water)”

It was late July when I realized it.

We were sitting on the couch together in the evening, like we always did after practice on a Saturday. You had just started bench pressing with paint cans and were so out of it from the new workout that I thought you were drunk. You were even convinced that the guitar was so out of tune that you ended up snapping the B string trying to tighten it. You probably don’t even remember the movie we were watching either. Giraffic Park. You passed out about halfway through, judging by your snoring. I thought it was weird, because I think you were hoping to scare me with it or something. Like the time you caught me off guard with that Night of the Furry Dead movie. I looked over the discarded pizza box at you on the other side of the sofa and thought,  _ so much for movie night. _ And you were out cold.

I remember muttering under my breath, “dumb fox,” as I crept nearer to you.

You were all spread out on the couch, doing that thing guys do when they open their legs wide and take up a bunch of space. You hadn’t even changed from work, with your uniform unbuttoned at the top and your tail wrapped around your legs with your mouth slightly agape. I guess I must have found that curious enough to move a little closer.

I hadn’t ever approached you like this before. Not on my own, anyway. Sure, there were times when we were close during guitar lessons and I could feel your breath. But there was always some sort of wall up when you were awake. Like you were off limits or always at an arm’s length from me. That didn’t exist when you were asleep. You were calm. Relaxed. And that was strangely soothing to me.

I’ve been in relationships before. I was hardly a stranger when it came to what was expected between boyfriend and girlfriend. Or, I thought I was, anyway. I’d been physical with guys in the past as we’d get pawsy. I could be intimate, when I was in the mood. But, to me at least, it was always a hollow feeling. Like scratching an itch, it was just something my body needed that left me with nothing in the nights staring up from the bed afterwards. Even the guys I played with always kept the same distance with me when we were together. Always tense like they were scared of me. Like they were waiting for me to snap. Like they couldn’t ever fall asleep next to me without one eye open.

So, I had never seen someone sleep so peacefully around me.

It was kind of funny watching your ear twitch as you inhaled deeply with each slow breath of air. I had gotten used to your smell, your musk, at that point. Most of it could just wash off with a shower when I got home. Not that I thought it was unpleasant. It was just the smells I had come to associate with you. You were even starting to smell kind of nice lately, like cinnamon and blueberries.

Before I knew it, I was close enough to touch you.

You had one of your arms resting along the top of the sofa in the most inviting pose. I was really just making excuses though. But I felt like I couldn’t  _ not  _ try leaning into you with such an opportunity presented to me. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting by doing it. Maybe I thought it’d embarrass you somehow. My back was pressed against your chest as I settled in. You had been getting more muscular lately and I had taken notice during your workout. My pillow was far less boney than I thought it’d be as a result.

I was planning on laughing it off after a few minutes. Like it was a joke to myself. But you were warm and I found myself sinking deeper into your red fur. Suddenly, there was no place else I’d rather be. Even if I knew it was wrong for me to be there for a bunch of reasons, I didn’t find the strength to move. You were so comfortable. Like it was a spot meant for me.

I closed my eyes and woke up an hour later.

* * *

“You’re home early.”

I didn’t even notice mom as I paced through the warren. Sure, it was earlier than when I usually went home. About nine or so. But you had fallen asleep and it would feel weird sticking around the apartment like that. And things were weird enough already.

“Sweetie?”

I had already ripped off my hoodie to make for the shower, on autopilot, before I realized mom was following me in her flowery robe. She had been staying up for latecomers before dropping off to bed herself. Most of my siblings had been tucked in at that point in the evening with mom enjoying a cup of tea to wind down. Tea would have almost sounded nice if it wasn’t for the particular odor coming from my paws and off my jacket.

Down the laundry chute it went before mom could get close enough to smell you off me. I had gone home so I could remove your scent before someone noticed it.

“Bathroom,” I muttered before turning the corner and shutting the door on her face.

_ Take the hint and just leave me alone, mom. _

Too much to hope for as the predictable knock came like a ticking clock. I pressed my back against the door to keep her from entering. Hopps bathrooms were more like locker rooms than actual single mammal bathrooms. They had to be or there would be a line every morning. It was by some stupid luck that I stumbled into the west wing completely empty.

“Is everything okay?”

“Fine,” I replied. “Peachy.”

“Well, you don’t sound okay. Can I get you something?”

“Mom, I’m trying to shower. Stop, okay? Please? Stop.”

I could practically taste the teenage angst on those words. I’d apologize as soon as I got the stink off my fur. And had some time to think.

I almost jumped into one of the stalls with my pants still on. The cold water should have woken me up instantly, but I wasn’t feeling anything through my fur. I held my chest close as I stood underneath. I could feel my ears tickling the back of my neck as I let out a heavy sigh. All the while two questions played ping pong with my brain.

What was that and why did it freak me out so much?

Even by the end of the shower, ten minutes of standing in what amounted to rain, I still had nothing but dripping wet fur for comfort. I shivered as the shower curtain sang against the metal bar. Mom had turned on the AC tonight given the scorcher today. Not that I would ever wear shorts again. I only had a thin, white towel and clothes coated in your musk. And it was a long walk to my bedroom on the other side of the warren. I sighed and collected everything before stepping out into the hall.

One good thing about being a night mammal was living in a family of farmers who were early risers. I strongly suspected the only reason mom was still up was because she needed her tea after wrestling the littlest ones to bed. That and dad wasn’t home yet.

I had long thrown the rest of my clothes down the chute by the time I stepped through the living room, head in my paw pretending to fight a headache. The moment I saw mom’s worried face sitting at her spot on the armchair though, I knew I couldn’t keep the charade going. I averted my eyes and fumbled a makeshift apology, hoping that would be enough to just let me go to bed so I could sleep on this.

“...Sorry, mom.”

It would have been great if we could leave it like that. But even I knew that was sounding more like an excuse. And moms got to worry.

“Did something happen between you and Nick?”

For some reason, the way she phrased that made me cringe, which only made my response that much more awkward.

“What do you mean?”

“Did he...Well, like with that night with Andrew—”

“Oh, god, mom! No! Never. He’s not like that at all.”

You weren’t the kind of guy who would ever take advantage like that. It was in your aura, even when we were alone. You weren’t the sort of guy who was after things other guys wanted. And, by mom’s sigh of relief, she knew that too.

“Thank goodness. He seems like a trustworthy buck and I was worried…”

She saw you as a rabbit. I had no clue who put that idea into her head, but I wasn’t about to question it given the context of this conversation. I just pawed my head and sighed up all my frustrations.

“No, he hasn't been pawsy with me in the slightest. I’m pretty sure he's off limits like that anyway.”

There was something to her smirk that irritated me and made me want a cigarette. “Ah.”

“What?”

“Well, it’s perfectly fine if he’s not interested in girls, Jude. Lord knows when we were still young, there was that time with your Uncle Hank—”

“Nick is not...,” I paused when I realized what I was saying. “Ugh, whatever.”

“Well, then what happened?”

“I just,” I stuttered to even begin to explain the occurence that I just came from. “I...Got my wires crossed, I guess.”

“Did you scare him off?”

“No, he wasn't even awake when I...,” I stopped short at the coy smirk mom was giving me. “Look, nothing happened. Okay?”

“Well...Why not?”

“Why not?” I choked. Mom had no idea what she was asking. “Because he's... Different.”

“Different how?”

“Different in like we’re total opposites. We only hang around each other because he’s teaching me how to play guitar.”

“What about you staying over there later than usual?” she asked.

“I have not—,” that would be a lie. Each night over at your apartment grew just a bit longer and we both knew it. “...We’ve been watching movies.”

“Just movies?”

“Yes! Just movies! Why are you the one edging me on like this?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re the mom! You’re supposed to be against any and all boys hanging around me.”

“I’ve been young before too, Jude. I know what it’s like to have a healthy interest in boys at your age. And this is the first one that’s actually cared enough about your wellbeing to give me a call before you made this a routine. He even has you check in every night with me and has been nothing but courteous. Why would I be anything but happy with that?”

If only she knew. I swept back my soppy ears and rang them out all over the floor.

“Well, it’s not happening.”

“Is he ugly?” asked mom.

“Is he what?” I blinked as I played with my ears. “What kind of a question is that?”

“Well, I haven’t met him. And none of the other mothers have even heard of him before either.”

_ Wow. You really weren’t a popular guy, were you? _ Not even the epic gossip lines of bunny moms in the burrow knew your name.

“I mean, he's not terrible to look at. But what does it matter?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what’s the difference here. You’ve been spending a lot of time with him all summer. And you’ve never been shy around boys before. So, there must be some reason why this one is different.”

“It’s just...It’s not happening, okay?”

“It’s not happening or you don’t want it to happen? Those are two very different things.”

We discussed this long enough and I was going to leave a puddle where I was standing if I stuck around longer. My ears slopped against the back of my head as I turned to leave. I didn’t want to look at the most satisfied smirk on mom’s face as I went straight to my room.

* * *

I didn’t have pajamas. I usually went to bed in my underwear or wearing nothing at all. Tonight, it was commando. I couldn’t be asked and wasn’t in the mood for digging around for clothes in the dark. The lights were off when I entered and they were going to stay that way with my damp towel thrown on the hanger behind the door. Empty pill bottles rolled off of my nightstand as I slumped into the bed, fur still clinging to my skin. It was warm and stuffy enough in my room that I would dry off soon, despite the air going. I didn’t want to think about the bed fur in the morning, I just wanted to get some sleep and forget about all this.

Of course, sleep’s a bitch like that.

After the first hour of closing my eyes and pretending to be content in my own skin, I groaned and clawed at my eyes. Why was this so much easier when I leaned into you? When I was with you, I closed my eyes for just a second. Boom. Done.

I supposed there was a bunch of stuff wrong that night with me trying to sleep. I skipped my meds that evening, so my leg was doing the thing where it was throbbing in time to my heartbeat. I was out of smokes and the urges were starting up again. But, most of all, a million and one things were on my mind. I groaned and flipped over on the mattress, tailside up. Bedsheets loosely covering me from being indecent.

“This is so stupid,” I mumbled, hiding under my pillow like it was a rock. “It’s nothing. It means nothing.”

The stupid blanket smelled like cigarettes, making me gas myself as I closed off my portal of escape. Everything in my room stank of tobacco when up close. Your apartment was always annoyingly clean and fresh. With smells like blueberry and cinnamon toast. Stupid things. Two very different smells that had no business working together like that.

At the two hour mark, I gave up laying down. I was making my pillow too hot with all the fussing and mom had cut off the AC to go to bed with dad as a no show.

It was one of those nights where everything was annoying. The slight light from my digital alarm clock. The incessant clicking from the fans as the AC turned off. Might as well not even try at that point and surf the web until I got tired.

One good thing about my room was how it was at just the right spot on our farm to leech wifi off of the neighbors. My window connected to the outside world. Of course, once I got on I had no idea what I even wanted to do outside of looking for a distraction.  _ Furbook and music it is then. _

“...Wonder what Sharla has been up to.”

Most of my old high school class was prepping to head to college the next month, going off on vacations and spending time with their families before the leap into the rigid university life. My homepage was a bulletin board of the usual suspects. Happy faces frozen on the screen. Gareth got his braces taken off. Andrew finished his brief week of community service and was well on his way to a clean record. And...Sharla broke up with a boyfriend I didn’t even know she had. We hadn’t been exactly on speaking terms since I dropped out. My messenger app on the side of the screen was all aligned with grey lights and dates long forgotten.

Everyone was getting on with their lives. Lives I wasn’t even aware they were living.

Bobby got engaged. Sarah got a scholarship to Harfurd. The twins were starting their own business in Podunk. He’s in a relationship with her. She’s in a relationship with him. So many relationships. So many happy, hopeful faces. I rolled my eyes. They’d probably all be broken up by the end of the first semester in uni.

You didn’t have a Furbook profile. I wasn’t even sure you knew what Furbook was. And I hated myself for taking the time to look for pictures of you. I had to resort to people you knew, namely your mother and that jerk you called a friend.

Jack was a popular rabbit, with over a thousand friends and enough selfies to match a high school cheerleader. Enough that it was a pain to sort through them all. Eventually I found the group of you in an album from May. That’s where I learned your mom’s name. Marla Wilde. She got tagged in the one picture of the three of you after you received your badge at the Academy graduation. It looked like a nice day with smiles on your faces.

That led down a whole other rabbit hole of old photos that your mom posted to her wall. Stuff that I could probably find at your house, if I ever visited. You were pretty cute as a kid, though I loathed to admit it. It wasn’t often that I could see you genuinely happy, with those shields always up around people. I could trace you back from my age all the way to when I wasn’t even born yet.  _ Another reason why this wouldn’t work.  _ You were never going to be interested in someone like me. And that thought made me slam my laptop away.

I wanted to curl up in my blanket again, if it wasn’t too hot in the room for that. Maybe I could get away with shaving off all my fur. It wasn’t like that would steal anything from me in the looks department. I felt naked enough without the blanket and was the worst thing to look at in the room.

If I closed my eyes, I could still smell you on me. The shower couldn’t erase everything, after all. And I felt pathetic enough pretending you were the pillow on my bed this time, sleeping with my arms around you. I hated that it made me feel seconds away from falling asleep, like you were a stupid comfort blanket. Hungry for your touch again.

And it was the thought of seeing you again tomorrow which finally eased my mind and I drifted into a peaceful slumber.


	3. Bonus Track 27.5: “A Fuoco”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rainy chapter for a rainy mood. This takes place between Tracks 27 and 28 in the PoP main story!

“Jeez, you look like a drenched rat.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s offensive to rats,” said Judy as she wrung her ears over our rug. “Second, have you even bothered to take a look outside? It’s pouring buckets.”

“Is that what that was? Sorry, I must have missed that walking home from work.”

I was already drenched, though changing out of my blues into my clean gym clothes certainly helped in that regard. Judy looked like me a couple of minutes ago. She must have thought she would be fine in her hoodie. But, given the warm summer, we were due for some heavy downpour.

“Here,” I said, tossing her a fresh towel. “Lose the jacket. You’re dripping all over the floor.”

She grumbled but obeyed, hanging up her black hoodie on the door and dabbing at her fur to dry off. I might have offered a blow dryer if we had one, but our apartment was running on limited electrical power as it was. And the rumbling outside was disconcerting.

It was a Thursday night, meaning we didn’t have to borrow a car to get to Catspaw. Angus had his shift in Sweet Thing, allowing for Gideon to get home at a reasonable time for once with a day off. A good night for doing nothing, given the rain in the late day that the burrows sorely needed. Through the storm, I could actually see the lights from the parked trailers of Foxburrow. We had our own fires going in the comfortable din of the apartment.

Judy dried off in her jeans and T-shirt while I bubbled up the black tea. An old habit from when mom would babysit us on a rainy day. I could still smell the paper from books while sitting in silence, reading as the storm raged on outside our apartment.

Tonight, we had the next best thing.

“No guitar tonight?”

“I need a break,” Judy said as I handed her a cup. She held up her other paw and wiggled her fingers. “They’re getting raw from all the extra work we’ve been doing at practice.”

“Just as well,” I replied. “Gideon’s home too. Movie then?”

“Sure.”

“Can I ask him to join us?”

“Eh.”

That wasn't a hard no and if she wasn't putting up a fuss about it, I wasn't going to deny Gideon the chance to socialize. I would just have to be mindful to sit between them.

“Though I get to pick the movie,” she called out as I turned down the hallway to knock.

With his day off, Gid had spent most of the day napping. From the moment I left for work until my return in the rainstorm, his door had been closed. It was all I could do to make sure he had eaten today. He certainly had the face of someone who had just woken up when I knocked.

“...Time is it?” he wiped at his eyes.

“Time to eat,” I replied. “Up for dinner and show?”

“Depends on what’s playing...And if Jude is fine with me tagging along. Don’t want to interrupt whatever you two have planned.”

“It’s not like it’s a date, Gid. We’re just doing what we’re always doing. Plus one this time.”

The power cut out before Gideon could even respond. The world went black for a moment as my natural eyesight adjusted to the new dark. I heard Judy shuffle around in the living room, followed by the low rumble in the distance. Gideon flicked his lightswitch a few times before we made for the window in his room.

“Looks like the whole neighborhood,” he squinted. “Cept Foxburrow. Advantage of living in trailers with generators, I guess.”

Judy appeared behind us with my cellphone in paw. She managed to get the flash from the camera shining as a sort of makeshift flashlight.

“Well, so much for movie night,” I muttered.

A rumble resonated from Gideon’s side of the room. “So much for dinner.”

“Right, I guess the microwave isn’t going to work either. If you’re hungry though, maybe Edgardo's still has power?”

“Still hurting on cash, I dunno about you.”

“Yeah, flat broke. So...Eating cold then?”

We followed Gideon as he shuffled to the kitchen. Judy tried her best to keep the light on us so it could help see where we were going. We both waited next to the fridge as Gideon dug around.

“Eating out,” he finished his thought. “Home has a microwave and they have power. So long as I share with my sister, they won’t mind.”

He paused for a moment as he held armfulls of various plastic tubs.

“You two are, uh, welcomed to come over if you don’t want to stick around in the dark. Pa’s out and I’m sure, uh, sure ma wouldn’t mind you being there till the power comes back.”

Judy and I shared a look.

“We’ll think about it. Thanks, Gid.”

The apartment felt emptier with him gone, even if he had been spending the whole day sleeping in his room. It was a moment to breathe in an otherwise busy week, after climbing Old Hickory and pushing my workouts. And hanging around Judy, of course. With the band and movie nights, there was no real chance to have a serious talk.

It went quiet enough that I could hear the rain pelting the roof. I remembered the days when mom used to sit with us out on the apartment stoop during a thunderstorm with some nice warm drinks and warmer bodies. Though our tea had run cold at this point.

“So,” we both said at the same moment.

That prompted another look. Liking watching someone with binoculars on the other side of a canyon. All there was between the chasm was a fallen over tree to serve as a bridge. I crossed it first.

“So, what do you want to do tonight then?”

Judy looked around the empty room, then to the cellphone, and then to me.

“I’m going to Gideon’s,” she said, passing by me and dropping the phone in my paws. I fumbled with it a moment as I followed her out the door.

“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t know the whole story with how things went. But I know there’s some bad blood there…”

“He wouldn’t have offered if he thought they’d be unwelcoming,” she replied, waiting under the cover at the front step and slipping on her drenched hoodie. “And I’m not walking all the way back home again in this weather.”

That would be a good way to get sick, if the cliches in movies had taught me anything. She glanced over her shoulder at me, out of the corner of her eye. Purple caught the low light from the outdoor porch.

“...Do you really want to stick around the apartment? Alone? Just the two of us? In the dark? With nothing else to do?”

The humidity made the air a bit heavier as I sighed.

“...Alright. Let me find an umbrella.”

Judy didn’t wait for me and pulled up her hoodie to walk back out in the rain by herself.

* * *

Truthfully, it was the first time I had been to the trailer park up close. Most of the time, it was seeing it from a distance. Having lived off the streets at one point, I was no stranger to seeing someone’s whole home travel with them. But this was the first time I realized that their homes were on wheels. That probably had to with the slippery mud, which made me stumble a bit as I jogged after Judy.

“You’re going to catch a cold, you know,” I muttered while sharing my umbrella with her.

She just shrugged. “That’s a lazy trope they use in stories. Work on a farm sometime, dumb fox. Rain or shine, you need to be out there in the fields. Water doesn’t make you sick, germs do that. Like from coughing, sneezing, or kissing.”

We referred to the mailboxes to find which trailer belonged to the Greys. All of them were rusted from previous storms, and their contents turned to melted wads of paper advertisement and bills. I noted the Greys’ box was emptied from Gideon’s passing. The number 44 peeled away like old paint and dangled like a dead flag in the storm.

We found their place in the middle of the circle, passing each trailer like it was a small torch in the woods with the warm lights from their windows. I realized why Judy insisted on wearing the hoodie, even if it was drenched. With her hood pulled up she could keep hidden from any prying eyes. Foxes didn’t mind another fox like me wandering through their territory, especially without my uniform on. But Judy, on the other paw...

The actual trailer was much what I expected. The tires were buried deep in the mud, beyond the initial fresh layer from the rain. They lived in a yellow bus built for bigger mammals, the smart way of living. We foxes knew a thing or two about taking advantage of size differences, so rarely given the chance to rise above our stations. I couldn't help but look at the Grey’s home as a giant middle finger to the world, as Judy might put it. While most of the other trailers were reserved to their fate and kept the dirt stained panels, the Grey kept their place polished until it looked almost brand new. And with the sunflowers growing out front, the den looked practically on fire.

“You came?” Gideon asked when we knocked on the screen door. He had switched to an apron with a steaming plate of leftovers in paw.

“Yeah,” I replied. “We were, uh, bored. And we come bearing gifts.”

I had grabbed a few pawfuls of items while digging up the umbrella. Nothing big. The movie we intended to watch together, Saving Private Brian, as well as a bag of low-fat popcorn.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a DVD player, would you?”

“We, uh, we do. Come on in. Lemme just, uh…One sec. Ma?”

The scent of sunflowers continued into what amounted to the living room, and I could feel the whole trailer dip as Judy and I entered. Gideon disappeared through the right side, where there was a door leading into what I assumed was the kitchen. The entire place was about the size of our own apartment and used every inch of it to its fullest advantage. I was experienced enough to tell that most of the furniture they had were antiques from garage sales. From the dusty big screen TV to the DVD/VHS player beneath it.

“You know what that is,” I whispered to Judy. “Right?”

She gave me a glare for an answer and made for the armchair with floral design. And the pair of red ears behind it.

I knew Gideon had a sister from the few times he mentioned his family and had painted a mental picture of her, based on Gideon’s own body shape. And, sure, there was some family resemblance in the snout and eyes. But, physically, they could not be more different mammals, and not just because she was a girl. She was a dainty little thing, more so than Judy, and at least half my age. She also certainly had her brother’s demeanor down, given how she looked like she would rather be on the moon without a spacesuit than be stuck in a room with us. Though she seemed more spooked by me than Judy.

Judy certainly wasn’t going to let the unsettled stares be anything but typical for her as she approached the chair.

“Hi, Jean,” she said. “Can I sit here?”

The young vixen whispered her reply low enough that I couldn't hear her. But Judy’s ears weren’t for show and she took her seat at the foot of the chair. I watched Gideon’s sister slink behind the spot and end up on the other side of the room, all without exposing herself save for her ears. Judy didn’t give her a glance, instead keeping her attention solely on me.

“Want to start it up?” I asked, offering her the movie. “I can go make the popcorn.”

She just shrugged and accepted the box while I excused myself to what I assumed was the kitchen. Though that felt a little like walking from the frying pan and into the fire.

“...You’re comfortable with her being here, Gid?” said a stern female voice. “After you’ve been hiding out all summer just to avoid her?”

The plate Gideon had cooked up had already gone cold with condensation dripping from the plastic as it was left to the side of the table. The kitchen was as large as it could be given the size of the trailer, it probably constituted a third of the building. Most of the equipment was electric, from the small college-size fridge to the cheap stove top. Everything was compact, not helped by matters with the two large foxes constituting a good portion of the space.

Gideon shared a lot with his mom, much more than with his sister. They had a similar build, which gave her a homely look, even with the sharp tone of voice which was like a ruler to the back on my paws. She carried the same blue eyes as the rest of her children, fresh like the sky even though the rest of her was slightly weathered. She couldn’t have been older than mom, though she had more than her fair share of silver in her fur. A crown of wisdom, or so the lesson was told to me as mom purchased buckets of fur dye. The only thing that had seen any dye on Mrs. Grey’s person were her overalls with her last name etched into them, red on white. The rest of her outfit was stained in oil and grime.

Gideon played with his ear when he noticed me standing at the door. I quickly realized that all eyes were on me. And Gid beat me to the introductions.

“Uh, ma, this is my roommate. Nick. Nick, this is, uh, this is my mother.”

I had kept up the fake smiles so much recently that they came up almost like the real ones. Mrs. Grey, however, had predator eyes that could pierce right through them. My guise melted away into a frown as I offered my paw.

“...Pleasure to meet you, ma’am. Gideon talks about you all the time.”

She turned her attention to my paw for a moment before accepting it, albeit limply.

“And you must be the one chasing him out of his own home every night.”

I had enough points in charisma to recognize the aura of someone who I would never win against in an argument. Averting eyes was a show of weakness though, same as making excuses.

“Guilty as charged, ma’am. And I apologize for that.”

“Please. Make yourself right at home. I have some business at the shop to manage and I’ll trust not to come home to any vandalism when I return?”

“I wouldn’t count on any, ma’am. Unless this storm ends up being a tornado. Would you like to borrow my umbrella?”

“Keep it. Won’t be long anyway.”

It wasn’t until his mother turned to leave did I realize that Gideon had his ears down the entire conversation. We listened for the door shut before I broke the frost that had iced over the trailer, over the steady rain.

“She seems nice.”

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Gideon slumped over his food on the counter. “I really wasn’t thinking when I offered. Ma’s always been more tolerable about the whole...You know.”

“Yeah, well, the situation isn't ideal on our end either.”

“Everything good between you and Jude?”

The way he phrased that had my cringing before he could even finish his sentence. In the other room, I could hear the movie starting up but it was enough that I still lowered my voice.

“...I don’t know. Things have been a little...Strange, lately.”

“You two having a fight?”

“No, no. Nothing like that...I just made a bit of an odd request that she had no reason to accept. And...She accepted it. And now I don’t know where we stand anymore.”

By how Gideon cocked his head, I knew I was being too vague. But considering we hadn’t even discussed the logistics ourselves, I didn’t know if Judy would appreciate me blabbing to everyone that we planned on moving in together. I hadn’t even told Jack that yet. _First thing’s first. I need to actually get a job in the city before I start telling people we planned on living with each other there._

“Sounds...Complicated,” he stated.

“You don’t know the half of it. I mean, things are perfectly fine when we have something to do. Like movies or band practice or exercise. But the minute there’s just a break in the craziness...You ever drop a penny in an empty well and just wait for the sound of it hitting the bottom? I just...I feel like I’m biding my time, waiting around for that noise. But I don’t know how deep the well goes. And after awhile I don’t even remember if I threw a coin down there in the first place.”

I huffed up something when I realized how tightly I was gripping the counter. That’s when I realized I still had the bag of popcorn in my paw. I offered it Gideon’s way and he jumped at the chance to be useful.

“You can tell me my metaphors suck, by the way,” I offered.

“No, I get it. Or I think I get it. I gotta ask though, are you two a thing now?”

It surprised me that my entire body didn’t cringe as Gideon started the microwave with a few incessant beeps. Given Gideon’s friendship with Travis and Angus, it made sense that he wouldn’t bat an eye to a couple of different species. But to think of that for the weird feelings between me and Judy?

“We’re not,” I could state that much with certainty. “But I’m not sure what we are.”

“Well...Do you want to be?”

I glanced out the window. “Rain check on that?”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to pry.”

“Nah. It’s a fair question. And it is nice to be talking about all this with someone. Just...I’ve never really thought it about it before in general.”

“You mean dating someone?”

A few of the kernels popped in the microwave while I decided to keep my paws busy while fumbling with a glass on the counter. I turned the question onto him.

“You ever date before, Gid?”

I could feel the familiar nervousness in his laugh. “Nah. Never, uh, never really had the time for it between work and things. Then I left school early, so dropped out of touch with most folks my age.”

“A bit of the blind leading the blind then, huh?”

He frowned and stirred up his meal. A small attempt to make it edible again.

“There was one girl I kinda liked,” he said. “Always used to pick on her in particular when I was...Well, let’s just say I wasn’t quite sure of myself. Didn’t know what I was feeling for her till I was older. She moved on since. She’s in military school with plans to join the airforce, far as I know. So, she’s completely out of my league. A tubby little baker boy from the burrows is probably the last person she’d want to get involved with.”

It made me think of Angel, which stung more than walking through the cold rain without an umbrella. Certainly didn’t help that he was about my age when that went down.

“You sell yourself short, Gid. You’re a good todd. I know you are.”

“Good todds don’t always get what they deserve,” he gave me a familiar smile. “S’not like she ever said anything in particular to make me think she'd be mean bout me askin’. Just…”

“...Scared to try?”

“Par for the course with me. S’why I don’t like to see you in the same pattern, I guess.”

I chuckled. “I’m supposed to be the older, experienced one here.”

“I get that. But I’ve known Judy for a while now. I think I’ve probably seen sides of her that she doesn’t like showing anyone. But seeing her act around you is something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. She’s happier. I know she is. And she does—”

“—I know she does, that’s not the issue. It’s just...”

The kernels were really starting to pop in the microwave. Each one like the ticking of a clock.

“And I know...I know I like her too. But not in a way that I think is normal or how it’s supposed to happen for normal folks.”

“Is it because she’s a rabbit?”

“I mean, that’s part of it. There’s age. There’s who her dad is, especially. It feels like every single step I would take if I tried it would be like walking through a minefield. And even if all that didn't exist...I still don’t know if that’s what I would want.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re told you’re supposed to do these things, right? Like dating, getting a job, and starting a life for yourself. But what if none of that is me? Do you know what you want to do in life, more than anything else?”

He glanced at his puddle of food. “Start a bakery. Make people happy with food.”

“See? That’s awesome. It’s so cool that you have something like that to work for. And even if the going gets tough, you’ll still have your dream. But I just...I never had that. I thought I did. Twice. But both were things that I didn’t really want to take a risk to work for. And I hate that about myself.

I glanced towards the door as the popping from the corn slowed down.

“Right now, I think I have something that could be worth the risk. But I have no way of knowing for sure. And making that jump is the scariest thing I can possibly think of. Because if I’m wrong, I don’t know what’s waiting for me at the bottom. But I don’t know what’s going to happen if I don’t do it either. When I close my eyes it feels like I’m slowly sinking in quicksand.”

A loud beep told me that my time was up. I popped open the door to the smell of steam and salt. A little charred, but that was how it went when using a microwave you weren’t familiar with. The few pieces I had tasted like fake butter. It was a good thing I didn’t plan on eating much.

“Sorry for dumping all that on you, Gid.”

“S’alright. I was the one who asked, wasn’t I? If it’s any consultan...Consolanation?”

“Consolation.”

“...We all got our own problems that we’re all dealing with. Don’t ever have to be sorry to be asking for a little help now and then. I want to see her...Both of you happy.”

Gideon offered me a bowl to dump the popcorn in and we returned to the living room of the trailer. In our time gone, Judy had already taken to setting up the movie and figuring out the DVD/VHS player. Gideon’s sister had braved coming out of her hiding hole enough for me to catch a glimpse of her before she went back down behind the chair again.

“Were you growing the corn in there too?” asked Judy as she reached for the bowl.

“Share,” I reminded her before turning to the timid vixen. “Would you like some? Jean, was it?”

When she didn’t speak for a few moments, Gideon cleared his throat. “Yeah, this is my little sister, Jeanette. Say hi to my roommate, Jean.”

She peeked her head out and returned to her seat on the couch, keeping her eyes on me and mumbling a greeting. With a better look at her, I knew she couldn’t have been older than thirteen, given her height. Just a little taller than Judy herself. She didn’t look much like Gideon or their mother, so I guessed she took much after their unseen father. Though they did share the same blue eye color, which I couldn't help but notice as she continued to stare at me. She was a scrawny little thing, wearing what seemed to be hand-me-down overalls from when Gideon was her age. That didn't make her feel any bigger and she struggled to fill those shoes.

“You going to be okay watching this?” I asked Jean, suddenly realizing the rating of the movie. “The opening scene is pretty...Graphic.”

“That’s true,” Gideon muttered when he noticed the movie’s title. “Uh, Jean. I don’t think ma would like it if you saw this.”

That sparked a surprising reaction from the quiet vixen. “I’m not a baby! I can watch it.”

Gideon shared a worried look with me while I caught a bemused smirk from Judy out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t in a hurry to further anger Gideon’s mother, given her welcome was colder than Gid’s plate of food.

Only Judy spoke up.

“Alright then,” Judy said. “If you think you can handle it. It can’t be any worse than the first movie I saw with your brother’s dumb roommate.”

The color of my ears told Jean enough how that story went. “I told you I had no idea a movie called Pink Flamingos would even be like that…”

“And Saving Private Brian is anything like Pink Flamingos?”

“Of course not! It’s a war movie by Steven Spielbark. It just gets a little gory in the beginning scene. You know...Missing legs, exposed torsos, oceans of blood…”

“Sounds like a good time to me. How about you, Jean?”

“I can do it…”

Though her voice didn’t sound nearly so confident as it had just a couple of seconds ago. Judy just smirked at me and Gideon. We watched as her smile turned genuine while she addressed the young vixen in the room with the most complete sincerity I had ever heard from her.

“You’re tough, right?” Judy asked.

“I’m tough…”

“Then let’s get this show on the road,” she gestured to me to play the remote.

I sigh and took my seat behind her in the armchair. Gideon joined Jean on the couch. And the rain attacked the tin roof outside as we started the movie to the sounds of gunfire and explosions.

* * *

You’re not aware of just how violent a movie is until you’re actively looking out for the graphic bits. It’s about when we see the soldier carrying his own severed arm away from the battlefield that I knew it was a mistake to watch this.

Judy was enraptured by the spectacle, of course. We had seen enough movies that she knew it was all fake blood and special effects, she loved trying to figure out how they did it with fake props. Gideon hadn’t touched his food since they stormed the beaches. And Jean...Well...Jean had been hiding behind her paws the entire time after Tom Phants’ character watched one of his men get shot through the head after the soldier removed his helmet. _Lucky bastard, indeed._ They really didn’t pull any punches with the movie, and it was hard to believe that this could even be considered just an “R” rated movie. Though, after the initial beach scene, it calmed down a bit. It still was enough that Jean had to excuse herself from the room for some fresh air outside when the presidential speech was starting.

Gideon started to rise to catch up with his sister, though I was faster on my feet.

“I’ll go check on her,” I offered. “The movie was my idea and I’ve seen it already.”

If all the blood was making me queasy, then I could only imagine how Jean was holding up. Gideon had cast me a worried look while Judy ignored me entirely.

Jean didn’t get too far, sitting on the steps under cover from the pouring rain. It somehow got worse since we were outside, if that were possible. The poor thing was shivering slightly as I approached. I had to approach this delicately. Given she had been scared off by the movie and ran away, she was undoubtedly feeling incredibly embarrassed. How many times had she been overwhelmed by emotions at age? She could probably count that happening to her on one paw. Young and completely clueless to these thoughts and feelings she was experiencing.

To that end, I let my mouth take over.

“To be honest,” I started. “I always hated Spielbark too. A bit too sappy and lighthearted for my tastes.”

She managed to look up from having her head in her paws, blue eyes puffy from being on the verge of tears.

“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking,” I continued. “After that, he doesn't seem the type, right? But maybe you know some of his other stuff. Z.T.? Raiders of the Lost Bark? The Furminal?”

One of those had rung a bell, but I couldn't tell which as she sniffed. Her voice was tender, like fresh skin from a scab.

“Are they all like...That?”

“Nah. The story goes that his daddy was a marine in the war, and he directed the movie in his honor. You know, show people what it was like on the battlefield. Course, a few other people say that the movie is heavy on the pro-war angle.”

“What, uh, what do you mean?”

“It descentizes you if you keep watching it. And the later stuff is more focused on heroic moments more than gritty realism. Eventually, it's just what you see as normal. Not the healthiest way to view things, so no shame in sitting this one out.”

Jean kept quiet for a moment. “She's watching it.”

“Judy? I wouldn't go off of what she's doing as prime role model material unless it's what you're into.”

She just shrugged. “She was always nice to me.”

It was my turn to go quiet. Not because I would ever think that Judy was a bad person, but hearing that from the same family whose mother snubbed me was something of a surprise. If Jean was about thirteen, she had to have been very young when all that business between Judy and Gideon went down. I wondered if she even knew what was really going on outside what was told to her.

“People are always saying that she’s scary,” Jean continued. “Or you should stay away from her. But she never yelled at me once. Or said anything mean.”

Something so simple and innocent shouldn't have left me dumbfounded as it did. And yet there I was, unable to respond to a little girl speaking from her heart. Until Jean turned to me and asked another simple question to make me look like an idiot.

“Do you think she's scary too?”

My tongue fumbled in my mouth for a moment. “Scary...In what sense?”

“I dunno. Just scary in how people see her.”

“Oh. Well, no. We’re friends, actually.”

“Oh,” Jean played around with her ear before she looked up at me. “But you do find her scary?”

“Not...In the way you’re thinking. Judy is one of the kindest and smartest people I know, when you get to know her. And I know she would never hurt me.”

“So...What makes her scary then?”

“Because it’s very easy to hurt someone like that.”

For a moment, the rain is all there is for sound. It battered the tin rooftops and slinks down the leaves, giving the air a slight chill. Though that could have been the vague dampness that had been with me since the moment I got home from work.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jean asked, though her voice was like a beat to the rainfall.

“Should I be surprised to hear that it sounds like you don’t have strong opinions about ‘naturality’ in couples?”

She shrugged. “Gideon always hung around Travis and he was into other guys. And not ferrets. A few kids in school are the same way.”

“It never ceases to amaze me how grown up and aware of themselves kids can be these days. At the risk of sounding old, back in my day no one really dated until upper high school years.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend…”

I could hear the building sigh in her voice. The traditional sound of a teenager who thinks they’re missing out on something they don’t even fully understand yet. It was funny to me how until recently, I thought the same of Judy. But she was more an adult than most grownups I knew.

“Hey, it’s all good. I’ve never had a girlfriend either.”

She looked me over. “Really?”

“Yup.”

“Have you ever kissed someone?”

“Hey, now. That’s getting kind of personal.”

“I have,” she said, almost sounding like she was bragging. “Roger Redd last year during homecoming.”

“Well, then. Clearly you’re much more adult than me.”

“I am?”

“Yep. Want to go back in and watch the movie? I promise it’s not nearly as bad as that opening scene.”

She frowned and looked out at the flooded grounds of the trailer park. “Is it okay if I say no?”

“Of course. Very adult of you. Feel free to sit this one out for as long as you’d like.”

* * *

She came back in around the halfway point, where they were letting the bad guy soldier go.

The movie had calmed down at that point, as had the rain. Thunder still rumbled in the distance, but it was going farther away by the time between the lightning and the booms. I guessed the storm to be over Podunk by the time we were in the final battle. The flick had gone fullon traditional war movie at that point, complete with heroic last stands all around. The thunder mixed with the gunfire and explosions, with the constant dripping from the rooftops acting as the beat.

When the movie was over, Gideon sat up and looked out the window, across the street.

“Hey, the power’s back.”

“Perfect timing,” I said, standing up in a stretch. “I guess we won’t impose on you guys any longer.”

“You can stay,” Jean spoke up. “We don’t mind.”

“Nah, it’s getting late and we should probably head back. But it was fun. We’ll see about doing this again sometime.”

“Maybe when ma and pa are out,” offered Gideon.

“You gonna come back with us, Gid?”

“Nah. Ma probably won’t appreciate it none if I left Jean alone…”

“I can take care of myself!”

“Suit yourself,” I glanced towards Judy. “Shall we?”

Her hoodie had dried in the time spent watching the movie, she had been keeping it hanging over my chair the entire time. Her scent was all over it as she slipped it on as if to say “lead on.” I lingered for a moment as she passed me by.

There was a look from both Jean and Gideon as they watched us leave and I tried to ignore it by waving to them with my back turned.

The trailer park was like a drowned village walking through streams between the buildings. Mud stuck to my feet as we marched through the fox dens, glowing like little campfires in the dark. We hadn’t been exaggerating in that it was getting pretty late at night. This was normally the time when Judy would start to think about heading home, 9:30/10 PM. When the whole world was quiet, save for the passing storm.

Judy followed me all the way to the front porch, though she stopped before the first step.

“Good night,” she said, half turning around.

“Already?”

“Yeah,” her eyes flashed away under her pulled up hoodie. “Why? Was there something else you wanted to do?”

Nights like this reminded me of rainy days in the old apartment.

There was something magical about watching the rainfall on the city. It changed things. Cleaned them up. The smell of the city was something fresh and brought out new scents you didn’t know existed. That came with looking on at the more colorful parts of the city though. Places like Savannah were too clean to ever feel anything but wet when it rained. It was the quiet places that could shine the most in the storm.

“I dunno. Want to just sit for a minute and enjoy the rain with me? Don’t get many nights like this, where we can just enjoy the night without it being too hot or humid. You know?”

I was talking nonsense. Nights like this were a dime a dozen after rainfall in the burrows.

“...Alright.”

The coolness of the night disappeared with Judy sitting next to me on the step. We didn’t have to be touching and there was a clear gap between us.

Under the rainfall, the burrow was alive with the sound of a thousand bugs all seeking company. They replaced the sounds of traffic and cars I was used to hearing growing up in the city. I wondered how Judy could stand it, with hearing like hers. Maybe that was one reason why she always wanted to leave. Staring up at the sky would have shown an expansive array of stars, if it wasn’t for the clouds blackening everything. Looking up had a habit of making me feel alone at night, so I never really enjoyed spending time outside. Bug bites didn’t help in that regard either. I liked to think I was the one staving them off from Judy. I sat a lot in the evening rain back home, but it was always more comforting with someone else. Usually mom or Jack.

But it never felt more right than with Judy.

It would have been so easy to reach over her shoulder and pull her in closer. But I abandoned such thoughts after they devolved into what might come after that. This was something different. It was more comforting. I was almost sure she was leaning closer to me too before she sat up straighter.

“Okay,” Judy broke the moment. “I should go.”

I gave a sad smile to Judy’s back as she stood up, ready to run off.

“Yeah. Pick this up again tomorrow?”

“Sure. Maybe tomorrow.”


	4. Bonus Track 28.5: Teardrop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is as M-rated as the story gets and happens between Tracks 28 and 29 of the main PoP story. No worries if you want to skip it, as it's more about the tender moment! Enjoy the read otherwise!

It fast became clear to me that I had no idea what I was doing.

We practically sprinted together from the police station parking lot all the way to my apartment, making it there in fifteen minutes flat. I might have been worried about Judy’s leg if she hadn’t been the one pressing me on. In her mind, I was the one slowing  _ her  _ down.

I had to admit, it was a challenge to unlock the door with a rabbit’s tongue in my mouth. In the dark hallway of the complex, we didn’t care who saw us. Not that anyone had a right to be awake at that hour. No one besides us. My heart was going a mile a minute from both the running and the hundred kisses between there and then. Each one deeper and sweeter than the last. I liked to think I was getting better at them. But even then, I was still just catching up.

Judy threw herself at me when I managed to get the door open. Carrying her, I stumbled around a bit. Not that she was particularly heavy. Just that everything she was doing was a surprise while I brought us to the couch. A million and one questions were going through my head as I fell backwards with her on top of me.

_ Oh, god. Oh, god. What am I supposed to be touching here? Her hips? Her...Butt? What do rabbits like? Are we supposed to be kissing this long? Is this normal? Oh, god. _

Part of me cursed myself for not doing a little research on the internet before all this. Granted, it wasn’t like I expected this to happen this night. I’m sure neither of us did. It was all spur of the moment and emotional. Not to mention, searching on my phone for what was essentially adult content during work hours was probably a sure way to get me fired. Though I didn’t have much time to berate myself for my lack of preparation.

Somewhere within my mental fog, Judy lost her fascination with my mouth and broke away.

“You okay?”

It wasn’t her normal voice. This one was softer, showing just the right amount of concern while still sounding playful. Like she could go in either direction.

“Yeah,” I said, feeling my right ear twitch.

There was a pause between our heavy breathing.

“We can call it a night,” she replied, sitting up on my chest. “If this is going too fast for you.”

_ Too fast. _ That was what my head told me. But, in the moment, I felt something overpower all that logic. A longing too great to ignore. But, with my hesitation, that burst of feelings from the parking lot slipped away. The fog surrounding my head was fading, letting in the thoughts and raw emotions of the moment. Blush covered my ears as I realized the situation I was in, having a makeout session for ten minutes straight on my couch with the girl I just admitted I liked.

Judy gave me a troubled frown and turned away.

“...Or if you’re not comfortable yet. I get it.”

“No,” I said immediately, gently putting a paw to her cheek so we’d meet eyes again. “No. That’s not it. That’s not it at all.”

Despite the fact that we had been kissing from the moment we had entered the apartment, the simple gesture of holding Judy’s cheek somehow felt more intimate. That wasn’t helped by the growing redness in her ears as she stared down at me, waiting for me to give a reason to why I had soiled the mood. She was ready to continue. And, deep down, I wanted to get things back to where we were just a minute ago too.

But how could I possibly begin to explain how I felt?

I was like a kit in little league baseball. Wide-eyed and untalented. Always up to bat and always striking out. Never even making it to first base and no expectation that would ever change. Then, one day, I hit a lucky home run. Right out of the park. So, I’m standing there with the baseball bat in my paw and no clue what I’m supposed to be doing. I know I’m supposed to run the bases. I’ve seen everyone else on the team do it a million times. But I can’t convince myself that the moment is real. Or that I even deserved it. It was a fluke and I had no idea how it even happened. It felt wonderful and terrifying all at once.

But to not talk about it with Judy would be to hurt her. To lose her. And I never wanted that to happen again. I had to find the words to explain it. I had to say something to her. So, I forced myself to talk about what was on my mind.

“I’m not going to make much sense,” I began. “So, bear with me here.”

She nodded and let me speak.

“Being with you,” I continued. “Feels natural. Holding you feels natural. Kissing you feels  _ natural _ . But I’ve never done this before. Any of it. And I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing to keep up. I mean, I want…”

My voice lingered. I lowered my head into my chest.

“...So much has gone wrong for me. I’ve done so many stupid things. When we hung out, it felt like I was making the same mistakes. And I’m scared I’ll do something wrong to hurt you. Physically or emotionally. I’m terrified I’m going to mess this up and ruin it for both of us. And I’m afraid you’ll be...Turned off by me struggling to keep up with you.”

Judy sat quiet atop of me, her fingers clasped at the folds in my police uniform. One of her paws trailed to mine, still cupping at her face, and she gave it a tender squeeze.

“Do you trust me?” she asked.

“Of course I do.”

“Then trust me to tell you when I think something’s wrong. Trust me to tell you if you’re hurting me. And trust me to help you along with figuring this out. This is new to me too. With a fox, I mean. But I want this. With you. And even though I’ve wanted it for a long time, I’m not going to continue unless I’m sure you want it too.”

I let out a shaky breath and smiled.

It was...Nice to know I wasn’t alone in being new at this. I looked straight into Judy’s eyes, waiting for my permission. To which, I replied.

“I'm sure.”

She smiled back and kissed my paw.

“I like to push boundaries,” she replied. “But I promise you, I’ll stop the second you tell me to. Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t be afraid to try everything.”

My breathing got cut off when she pulled my paw from her face all the way down to her chest and held it close. I could feel her through the thin fabric of her T-shirt. From her heartbeat to her… _ Oh. _

“And don't be afraid to touch me too, dumb fox.”

Blush burned at my ears as she didn’t release me. Closer than I had ever gotten with a girl before. And a boundary so easily passed with Judy.  _ Rounding second now… _

I grew more comfortable with where my paws were after that, as we resumed making out. We were starting to roll around each other on the sofa as we fell more into it. Our initial space was proving to be less than satisfactory for such activities. Somewhere in the tumbling, I found myself being pulled from the couch all the way into my bedroom. And then thrown to the mattress as Judy shut the door behind us.

I caught the most satisfied smile flashing across her face as she flicked the lights off.

* * *

I felt less exposed in the darkness of my room as we continued our pawsy play on the pillows of my bed. And we had long lost track of the time until I dropped my cellphone on the nightstand. 12:47 AM.

When the next minute turned, Judy pulled away from me. I soon discovered why she had turned the lights off as she began to take off her shirt.

It was out of instinct that I glanced away from her. I knew she had turned the lights off so I would be more comfortable with not seeing as much of the intimate stuff. Unfortunately, she forgot that foxes had keen eyesight in the dark and I had a full view of everything. I think my brain flatlined when she started to remove her jeans.

You go through life conditioned to believe that it's common decency to always be wearing clothes around other people. Granted, I had seen Judy in a bikini before. But in that situation, I wasn’t looking at her in quite the same light. Now there was nothing left to my imagination as well as very different feelings about her. Especially as she playfully tossed her shirt in my direction wearing nothing but her carrot collar and earrings.

“Want to join me?”

_ Right. Clothes. The clothes come off during this part of the program. _

If my nerves weren’t bad enough, the sight of a fully naked bunny in my bedroom was making even undoing the top row of buttons on my shirt the most difficult task on the planet. I fumbled around for a solid minute, before Judy leaned in closer to me on the bed. Close enough to touch me. That’s when I realized I was leaning so far back that I was flat on the mattress. And she was on top of me.

She made it look so easy, popping each button one by one. Like she had done it a thousand times before. Meanwhile, I was clutching the sides of the bed like I was about to blow away in the wind. I tensed up when she ran a paw down my exposed chest and abdomen.

“You okay with this?” She whispered.

I breathed easier.

The correct response when the pretty girl you like asks you that after fondling you is “yes” and “please continue.” But in this new boundary we had passed together, my mouth had decided to stop working. Like it was a VHS whose tape deck exploded.

So, I talked with my paws instead.

I traced Judy’s entire body, starting from her face all the way down to her thighs. Even if I had my eyes closed, I would be able to see all of her. She tensed up as I went from the scar on her left hip to brushing her tail.

“Easy now,” she cooed, pressing my paw away. “You gotta work your way up to that…”

She went down for my waist.

“First thing’s first…”

I wish I could say that I was comfortable with myself naked, especially after all the exercise I had been doing that summer. I was probably in the best shape of my life at that moment. And even still, it took all my self control to not cover up with the bedsheets. This was, of course, not helped by Judy staring right at me. Her gaze made me feel completely exposed and out in the open. Even if I were to wrap myself in a lead blanket, she’d still see right through me.

But there was something in her smile too. Almost as if she liked what she saw. And that helped relax me.

_ It’s just completely natural, Nick. Animals be naked. Perfectly natural. Yup. As natural as it gets. _

And we went right back to it as if nothing had changed. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. I’ll say one thing, I was no longer thinking about how well I was kissing or where my paws were. Instead, I was more focused on where Judy had placed herself in my arms. And on my lap. That was when the change in position started. The scent in the bedroom couldn’t be ignored anymore either as we entered into brave new boundaries with each other.

“Still okay?” Judy asked.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good. In truth everything we had done that night together was wonderful. I felt like a bottled up cork of champagne ready to burst. There had been more than a little unresolved tension between us. And the sudden kissing in the parking lot had it spilling at the seams. There was a new yearning building inside me that I had never felt before. Slightly growing with each new step taken.

“Yeah,” I replied.

I’ll spare the more vulgar descriptions of what happened next.

They make it sound so easy. But...You ever play the crane game at the arcade where you need to line up the crane before it moves in for the prize? And no matter how perfect you think it is, you keep missing the mark every time? Pretty much that. I blamed our lack of lighting.

Judy eventually figured it out and settled into place, easing into me. Or maybe it was more appropriate to say I eased into her. She gripped onto my legs tightly as she inched her way down.

_ And he’s hit a homerun. It’s out of the park. _

_ No, dummy. This doesn’t count yet. This is like going to climb the tallest building in Zootopia, but only loitering in the lobby. You need to go all the way to the top or it doesn’t count. _

_ Thanks, Jack... _

Judy breathed in sharply as she squirmed around, like she was dipping her toe into freezing cold water. Anything from her mouth that sounded painful slowly morphed into pleasure and she assured me she was fine with soothing rubs on my thighs. Gentle teardrops formed in the pit of her eyes. There were more than a few biological differences between rabbits and foxes, especially in terms of size.

But it felt nice. And warm. And close. And a little tight.

When she was done adjusting, she continued the grinding from before. Albeit much more intensely.

“Hold me like this,” she instructed, moving my paws around her body. To her hips and tail. “And just rub in time to what I’m doing.”

_ Like a beat to the music. _

That thought got me a little more comfortable with what I was doing. It helped to look at it less like managing a complicated switchboard with a thousand and one buttons and more like playing an instrument. And I now knew why Judy had brushed me from her tail before. It was a bit of a hotspot for her.

Most of my focus went into doing the pleasuring that I didn’t really even pay attention to what was going on with my own body. Looking at it like a rhythm was helping me to enjoy myself more, and making it feel good for myself. It was all pretty nice, actually. Awkward and strange, for sure. The angle I was at, being down on my back and leaning up, wasn’t helping too much in the discomfort department. But I can honestly say I had never felt closer to someone before. Especially in a literal sense.

Judy was certainly enjoying herself. Enough that she had taken her paws off of mine and was making little noises that sounded vaguely like words. “Faster,” was among them.

I suppose I had something to prove at that point. Or maybe it was the fulfillment in seeing Judy like this. Perhaps it was even something on a deeper level between predator and prey, asserting my dominance in a sense. But it was probably just because I could do the work easier if I wasn’t on my back.

Whatever the reason, I was the one who ended up on top somehow. Show even a dumb fox enough tricks and he’ll eventually get the hang of it. Though I hoped I hadn’t crossed a boundary.

“Is this okay?” I asked.

Judy looked surprised by the change of position before smiling and cupping my face with her paw and kissing me deeply. That was all the assurance I needed to continue.

* * *

It could have been hours when I looked at my phone for time, but I was surprised to read it as 1:36 AM.

I had an easy enough time moving my paw with the position we were in. Stuck together in more ways than one. The rest of me was firmly planted in the bed with Judy’s back pressed against my chest. She had passed out a few minutes prior, judging by her slowed breathing. My tail was clutched between her paws and my other arm was her pillow.

My eyes glazed over the destruction of my room. Our clothes were thrown every which corner. Not to mention the smell our activities together created. I was getting pretty tired too, it being three hours past my usual bedtime and having used plenty of new muscles in the process. My legs in particular had that dull ache I had come to associate with exercise. My throat was dry as a desert from such physical exertion and noise, which only added to my desire to fall asleep. Though I wished I could stay awake all night like this, with my fingers tracing her earrings causing her ear to twitch. Like I had to confirm this moment was real.

We had stopped the fun ten minutes ago and slowed it down into cuddling while nature did its business. Enough of a break that my head had cooled down and I drifted in and out of slumber. Enough that the concerns of what our new thing meant were bubbling in the back of my mind. But I was not nearly lucid enough to give them any real thought.

I knew one thing though, in the dark of my den with Judy in my arms.

I was happy. Happier than I had been in a long time. Better than happy. Like it was a sense of wholeness that made my room feel not quite so lonely anymore. Like I was one step closer to figuring out my life. And who I wanted to share it with.

Maybe I was broken. But maybe, that was okay. Maybe we could work it out. Together.

And that was a comforting thought before I closed my eyes and finally fell asleep.


	5. Bonus Track 30.5: "Echoes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on some comments, I really wanted to show what Judy's mindset was during her absence from Nick between Tracks 30-32 in the main story. And I really, really wanted to do a call with Judy and her big sister Violet. I'm not sure it's perfect but I hope it's an interesting insight in the Hopps home, all the same!

I thought about it the whole day, locked in my room while the dinner of carrots left at my door went cold. Replaying the events in front of dad over and over again made me measure each word I had chosen. I had to wonder if outing myself and you was just another regret to add to the list, especially with how it blew up in both our faces. Though the bigger one had come earlier that morning and the broken promise I failed to keep. And karma never sleeps in that regard.

I had since come to realize that mulling over regrets was the least productive thing you could do with your life. It was for that reason alone I found myself with one foot out of the window and the other still in the house when mom walked in the room. The intention, of course, was to sneak out to see you and be back before anyone even knew I was gone. Not that I could blame mom one bit as I attempted to slip back inside.

"If you want to go, don't let me stop you, Jude."

Even in her pink flowery robes and phone listlessly dangling in her arms, I could tell she was being serious. And that was the worst part.

"You're supposed to be against me sneaking out, mom," I groaned, slumping onto the floor.

“So long as you’re safe then why would I mind if you leave on your own?”

“I’m grounded…?”

“According to your father who won’t even show himself. You’re a grown lady at this point, as much as he’d like to forget that. And grown ladies don’t get grounded. If this is about not getting caught by him, I don’t mind making any excuses you might need.”

“That’s the problem,” I muttered under my breath.

It felt like throwing weight off an already sinking boat, as far as mom and dad were concerned. But I didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fireworks, especially if it involved mom lying to cover for me. Though I certainly couldn’t talk to her about that, the subject was rather taboo around the house even when we could all read the writing on the wall and were just waiting for the last straw.

She just frowned at me but offered the phone as some form of compensation.

"Well, if you're not going, you have someone else who wants to talk to you."

"Really? Who?" That was strange considering my first thoughts were of you, but a direct call wasn't your style especially with dads eyes on you.

Mom answered me with pursed lips as I begrudgingly accepted the yellow receiver with the painted sunflower on it, running through the list of names of who could be calling me at nine o’clock at night.

“ _ Sneaking out again, Jude? _ ”

My ears perked up instantly. Violet.

I hadn’t been a very good sister in keeping up with the regular phone calls with my older sister. Just distracted with everything going on, I guess. She always was the most mature one of the family, at least when mom was around. Still, to hear her voice again was enough to put a smile on my lips. Though it didn’t last too long.

“Trying and failing,” I said, giving mom a look as she excused herself from the room. “What’s up? Is, uh, is everything good with you, Vivi?”

“ _ What’s up with me? From the brief that mom told me before handing me off, it’s you who should be put on that particular spotlight. What the heck is going on over there? _ ”

“Dad,” I decided to sum up with one word. But given our family, it was enough to say everything.

“ _ Ah. Well, that’ll do it. Need to talk about it? _ ”

I sighed and looked down at my feet for a long time, craving a cigarette for the twelfth time that night.

“I might have fucked up.”

“ _ Whoa. Language. _ ”

“It’s alright, mom left the room and all the squirts are in bed. It’s just us.”

Just us. That always made things easier to talk with concerning Violet. If she wasn’t determined to become a doctor of medicine, I could almost suggest to her that she should become a shrink. Sometimes it felt I could use one without the price tag attached to it when we could barely afford my leg meds.

“ _ Does this have to do with your little escape attempt just now? _ ”

“A part of it,” I admitted, not really sure how much mom had told her already. Vivi knew about you, that much I was sure of. Or the vaguest of vague impressions about you. And I decided to start there.“So, you remember that guy I told you about with the guitar lessons?”

“ _ Yeah? _ ”

“We hooked up,” I admitted, not pussyfooting around it as it all came spewing out like a river. “I know I’ve been feeling things for a while around him and just blurting it out one day. He didn’t know how to react and things got awkward for a while, so I thought I had ruined things. Then last night he said he feels the same thing and...We shacked up.”

“ _ Wow. Good thing mom’s not here, huh? _ ”

“She’s met him,” I said, eyeing the door for any signs of her hovering around. “And she’s strangely approving of him, I don’t know why.”

“ _ Well, why wouldn’t she be? _ ”

“Because he’s,” I paused. “Different.”

What was that?

Where did all that fire go when I was talking to dad? Probably because things were different when I was confronting him in his office. Dad I didn’t mind upsetting with my life choices because I couldn't care less about his opinions. But people like mom, like Violet, were heavier. They mattered more and I didn’t know how I was going to explain to them that I was having feelings for a fox let alone someone much older than me, though I’m pretty sure mom already knew given what had happened with dad this morning. Him ignoring the calls certainly didn’t put out the fire.

“ _ Different, _ ” Violet repeated the word as she almost seemed to be searching for something. “ _ Okay. I think I can understand that. _ ”

“You can?”

“ _ Of course I can. I’ve seen you rip off Gideon Grey’s ear, Jude. There’s not much that’s going to surprise me about you anymore. _ ”

I laughed a little bit, remembering that day with the fallen ice cream and wondering how Violet might react to learning I had actually had a reasonable conversation with Gideon recently. In no small thanks to you.

“ _ So, _ ” Violet continued. “ _ He’s different. And you told dad about it and he flipped his gasket. _ ”

“And grounded me,” I added. He had also done worse, but she didn’t have to know that. I couldn’t think about the guitar right now.

“ _ Which led to you quote unquote ‘fucking things up.’ Which led to you wanting to sneak out. _ ”

Sometimes all it took was a perfectly rational person to sit down and explain your actions to get you thinking just how insane it all sounded. I curled into a ball under the open window, listening to the wind whistle through the opening with a cool summer breeze. Autumn was already starting to reveal itself in the air.

“No,” I admitted. “Yelling at dad...You know how it is with him. He’s like talking to a wall, so I don’t particularly care about his feelings when he doesn't care about mine. And besides all that he started it. If you heard some of the awful things he said to Nick…He absolutely deserved it.”

“ _ Knowing dad, he probably did. So, why are you so hesitant to sneak out then? _ ”

I paused again, not really sure how I could explain the deal I had made with dad. If that might make things worse between him and mom, if Violet ever told her. Which, of course, she would. She’d have to.

“ _ Okay, _ ” Violet reasoned after eating my silence for a while. “ _ Maybe that was the wrong question then. Can I ask where you were planning to sneak out to? _ ”

“To see him,” I answered almost automatically.

“ _ Him being this Nick fellow? _ ”

“Yes,” I could practically hear the whine in my voice. “This is just so stupid, I know. I just feel like I dragged him into everything. Into our family problems. I’m not even sure what we are at this point.”

“ _ What do you mean? _ ”

“I mean, we’re more than friends. At least I’m pretty sure we are.”

“ _ Well, you apparently slept with him so that’s got to count for something. Unless you left him concussed and he’s suffering from short term memory loss, I’d say that makes you more than friends. _ ”

“I guess…”

Even I could hear the lack of confidence in my own voice. If I was catching wind of it, Violet probably caught the scent like a canine. She had the nose for that sort of thing and at times we used to think she might have been part wolf.

“ _ But you don’t sound so sure? _ ”

Phrasing it like a question prompted me to explain myself, though I couldn’t find my tongue in the moment with more silence closing the gap between our open lines.

“ _ Okay. Can I tell you a little story about my first ex? _ ”

I huffed a bit. “You mean one of those bucks you dated in middle school?”

“ _ No, I don’t count those guys. This was my real first, someone I didn’t tell anyone about because I was afraid folks would find out. _ ”

“Why would you be afraid?” I asked. Violet, in my mind, was someone who could do no wrong.

“ _ Same reason as you, I guess. He was...Different. We met when I had that job in the library for a time, you remember that? _ ”

I nodded along like she could see me. Those days felt as long ago as when I bit Gideon’s ear off.

“ _ We weren’t very defined either, though he certainly wanted to be. But I kept putting it off until he couldn’t wait for me any longer. You know how dad would react though and with everything that had gone on from your accident, I was scared to bring attention to myself. Scared I might be rejected for it. _ ”

“Who could reject you?”

“ _ Oh, Jude. Lots of people, trust me. _ ”

My question caused Violet to laugh, though I didn’t see what was so funny about it. To me, my sister was the perfect angel, in the least condescending way possible. A perfect student, sweet as could be. Always polite and always kind, kind enough that she wanted to be a doctor, even if it was me who had to talk some sense into her into pursuing that dream. Even with everything going on following the trial with Gideon’s family. Her image was that of pure whiteness, like the snow. When I looked at myself…

“They would never look at you like they do for me,” I replied. “You’re perfect, the best sister I could ever ask for. The best daughter and you’d probably be the best girlfriend for someone too. With all that I’ve done, I can’t even think that you’d be seen the same way as me.”

More silence over the line.

“ _...Is that what this is really about? _ ”

“Kinda,” I sniffed, coming to the realization myself. “I thought being together might go well. Things felt different. Maybe this might be the one time luck might be on my side. But then everything ripped apart at the seams. All because of me.”

Violet let me digest that revelation for myself a little while. She knew there was little she could say to convince me otherwise at this time. Maybe when the wound was less fresh and I could think a little bit clearly. It occurred to me that I was behaving more like one of the bees that buzzed around the farms, injured and just stinging at everything without my thought. I had lost my dream of playing guitar in front of a crowd for the Labor Day Party, but that didn’t mean I had to lose you too. I could wait. I could be patient.

“I won’t try to sneak out again,” I decided.

“ _ You don’t have to stay under dad’s thumb like that, Jude. _ ” More than a little fight was in her voice.

“It’s not about staying under his thumb,” I answered thinking of the question you once posed to me in the woods. “He has no idea what we have planned when this is all over. I just need to hold out for a little longer then everything will be alright…”

“ _ Is that what you want? _ ”

“What I want,” I replied, swallowing once. “Is for Nick to be happy. For you to be happy. For mom and everyone at home too. You all deserve it.”

“ _ You do too, you know? It worries me when I’m stuck here in college away and unable to help. You’re allowed to be happy and to want something. _ ”

That was a dangerous idea when I had been left wanting before. Dangerous because the more I wanted, the more it seemed to hurt other people around me.

“You’re helping people through studying to be a doctor,” I sniffed and laughed. “Nothing would make me happier. Tell me all about school now, I’ve whined enough about my own problems.”

Violet knew me well enough that I was trying to change the subject back onto her and shutting down. Maybe I’d talk to her about it later when I could organize my thoughts to not be a muddled mess. When this was all over and I could see you and play guitar again. As I told myself that I was being patient by waiting.

“ _...Okay _ ,” Violet replied with a barely disguised sigh. “ _ I get it. Well, if we’re going to be keeping on the subject, I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. _ ”

“Really? Who is it?”

“ _ Don’t tell mom, but… _ ”


	6. Bonus Track 34.5 "Four Letter Words"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Nick works his hardest in the games, Judy has her own little standoff between a certain hare. This one takes place alongside Track 34 in the main story and is one of my favorites. Hope you enjoy!

“So, you and Nick, huh?”

The last thing I wanted to do on my break after our first set was to spend it talking to a hare I had a very good reason to despise. And ten minutes was not enough time to rip him a new one after the stunt he first pulled on me.

Jack Savage leaned against the stage, looking as annoyingly smug as always in his shorts, tee, and water bottle all with ZPD logos. He was about what I expected him to look like, based on our briefest texts over the phone. He didn’t smile, which was nice. Though his tone of voice grated on my limited nerves. It hadn’t even been a full day since Nick and I made it official and it was still taking some getting used to. Especially with how different this boyfriend was to all the others.

Jack answered my glares with his paws raised.

“Easy there. I’m not looking to fight. I even have a peace offering. See?”

He held up the bottle and gave it a tempting shake. Though it was only six songs before our break, I hadn’t accounted for how thirsty standing in the spotlight would make me. Even though I hadn’t been singing, yet, my throat was a desert.

Jack seemed to sense my thirst as he set the bottle down on the ground between us. I couldn’t help but feel like he saw this little encounter as a prison exchange. No doubt he’d rather approach me behind bullet-proof glass, if given the chance. Looking at me like I was a time bomb ready to blow was almost worse than coddling me. Almost.

I sighed, humoring him as I reached for the bottle. Cold as ice.

“There,” he continued. “Good, right?”

“Sure,” I growled. “And maybe you should throw a raw carrot at me because clearly I’m a savage in a cage that you’re trying to tame.”

“Not far from the truth, actually.”

I just continued my glares at him, not even giving him the satisfaction of opening the water bottle I was desperate to drink from.

Jack frowned.

“Come on. Not even a smirk? How does Nick do it? I’m just as funny as he thinks he is. What's the difference?”

“Your ego.”

“And Nick doesn’t have one?”

“He does,” I said, finally caving and snapping off the cap. “But he’s always willing to put it aside. Especially if he’s really trying to talk to someone. He doesn’t go judging people based on first impressions or digging around their personal space.”

I gave Jack the shoulder and downed half the water bottle in a single gulp.

It was petty to hold that old wound over Jack. But it was the defining moment between us that caused our relationship to go downhill and almost killed things off between me and Nick entirely. Not that I helped, in that regard. It was just not fair to be the one to offer a white flag in our unspoken war.

And I knew Jack was too proud to admit fault.

“Fair enough. I’m sorry I dug into your profiles when I first heard about you. I deserve that one.”

I glanced over my shoulder and raised an eye at the hare before taking another sip. “You think?”

“Evidently, not enough.”

I huffed. “Don’t go thinking you’re all clever or that I have to like you because you’re Nick’s best friend. You haven’t earned a thing in my eyes. And you will never be my friend.”

“Noted.”

With a grunt, I turned away again, though the grunt was more for myself. It was a promise to myself to try and come across as less of a bitch to people, especially after yesterday’s emotional talk with Nick. It didn’t help that Jack had such a punchable face though. He was just so  _ smug  _ about everything. Like, even if I didn’t break my leg he’d have still been the first rabbit in the ZPD and he’d rub it in my face.

“You know,” he continued. “You’re quite good up there with the guitar.”

_ Just take the compliment, Judy. _

“Thanks.”

“Nick's going to be very proud of you when he stops by tonight. After his trials. You've really left quite an impression on him.”

_ Where are you going with this? _ I raised my eye at Jack again.

Jack shrugged in response. “Just saying. I’ve never seen him this happy before. Especially with someone else. I’m sure he told you how his previous conquest went.”

“Yeah…”

“You know what he said to me recently? When I asked him about what he wanted to do with his life after all this?”

“What?”

“He said that he wanted to help people for a living. Like, making the world a better place. Can you imagine?”

I felt my nose twitch. “So? What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh, nothing at all. It’s great, in fact. But it’s just so far from where he was, even a few years ago. You wouldn’t know what he was like when he was living on the streets, but he was a rugged sight. Half the time, you wouldn’t know the difference between him and a bum.”

I could suddenly recall the brief aside Nick mentioned to me about eating from the trash that made me want to brush my teeth after first kissing him.

“His mom, Marla, and I were always worrying about him back then. For the longest time, it felt like he just lacked a purpose, you know? Like there was nothing there to motivate him or anything he really wanted to pursue.”

I felt my ears lower a little. “I know.”

“That was why I pushed him into joining the academy. It was supposed to be something we did together. And I tried to look out for him as best as I could. But it was eventually a choice of staying behind with him or following my dream. To tell you the truth...I’ve always regretted picking the latter.”

Jack sighed heavily and leaned against the stage, tilting his head back towards the sky.

“Can you pass me a smoke?” he asked.

“A smoke?”

“Nick mentioned you smoked. So, I’m asking you for a cigarette. Can you spare one?”

“I quit a couple weeks ago.”

“That’s a load of bull. Come on, I’ve done the quitting song and dance routine before too. Where’s your emergency stash?”

I hadn’t even told Nick about the pack of cigarettes I kept hidden away at the very bottom of Josie’s guitar case. Truthfully, I always figured he’d sniff it out eventually. They were unopened though, which might have helped hide the scent.

Though I hated being seen as predictable, especially by Jack.

“Fine,” I muttered, digging around my case on stage. “Nick never told me you smoked too.”

“He doesn’t know.”

“He doesn’t?” I asked, tossing Jack the pack.

“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of things Nick doesn’t know about me. It’s just a bad habit I picked up from too many late hours with the guys in the precinct. Only once in a while though. Nick’s no wolf, but he does use his nose on the occasion. Fun fact. Scent-Killers will work on him, if you ever needed to know that.”

“I don’t.”

“Good,” said Jack as he lit his own lighter and took a few puffs. The scent of the cigarette was causing me to twitch. “Don’t know how well they would work with kissing anyway. One of us is enough for smoking. And I’ve never been good about trusting people with secrets.”

He might as well have been blowing the smoke in my face. I took another sip of water as a poor substitute to the deep yearning in the pit of my stomach as I could feel my mouth starting to salivate a little. It had been a couple of weeks, but I still hadn’t forgotten the taste of cigarettes. Jack took one of those long drags before spitting something brown into the grass.

“Nick’s one of the few people I know I can talk to about personal stuff,” he said when we were both half finished with our respective fixations. “He’s like a brother to me. More than even, if you knew my blood family.”

“You want to compare sob stories?” I asked.

“No. Something tells me you wouldn’t care very much. And that’s fine. We don’t need to be friends, like you said. But I want to come to an understanding. Especially if things start getting serious between you two.”

“That’s our business.”

“Yeah. But it’s my business if he abandons his life for you.”

I could feel my ears tickle the back of my neck as I disguised my frown with a scowl. The peppermint-like scent of the cigarette gave me a sudden craving to break into the pack when Jack was done with it. But I resisted the temptation with a simple question. The one I should have asked from the beginning when I saw him lurking around the stage.

“What do you want?”

We glanced over to the steps. Travis and Angus were returning with food and drinks in paw, ready for round two. We’d be starting soon once they finished eating.

“You make Nick happy,” he said. “Happier than I could ever hope to make him. But happiness can be like a drug. It makes you numb and unaware of the things around you. You’re almost half his age, but you have way more experience than him in this whole relationship business. You’ll make less mistakes than him. You’ll know how to avoid obvious pitfalls and not get hurt. He won’t.”

He sighed the remains of his smoke and stomped out the butt on the sand.

“Nick’s an idiot but he’s my brother,” Jack finished, facing me and looking me dead in the eyes for the first and only time. “And he finally has his life on track with something that could be amazing for him, with his new ambition and lease on life. It would kill me to see that spoiled by love. You know he loves you, right?”

That was a dangerous four letter word that no one had ever said to me. Nor I to them.

I felt my heart beating out of my chest. Looking to Jack, my eyes begged for him to tell me he was messing with me. Of all the things he could have attacked me with, this was the thing that stunned me. A one off comment about love. I was prepared for insults or even the good old fashioned cold shoulder when I heard he was in town. A part of me thought he had just uttered the word to see me squirm. Instead he turned away from me.

“I guess he hasn’t told you yet,” Jack almost sounded disappointed with that. “My bad. But what’s with that look? You’ve seen how he acts around you, right? I thought it’d be obvious. Is it really that much of a surprise what you mean to him?”

_ Um, yes? _

What was I supposed to say to that? What was anyone supposed to say?

Like most bunnies, I had been dating for a while. Since I was fourteen when I had my first boyfriend. A tough bun, or one who thought he was tough, by the name of Tyler Flattooth. Kissing was all he was interested in doing though and that got boring fast. I slept with someone for the first time when I was sixteen. Some guy I didn’t even catch the name of at the Carrot Day festival. We did it backstage after the grade school play. I think he was visiting family from one of the other burrows. And there were plenty of encounters with other bucks after that.

So many relationships with none of them really meaning anything to me in the long run. Just a little fun or a distraction on the side. Most of them I never even told my family about.

With Nick it was different.

And not because he was a fox. Or because he was so much older than me. Or because he was a cop who got on dad’s bad side. Or the hundred and one other things that made him a slight variation from the dozen or so other bucks I had been with. No, it was different because it was heavier. It had weight to it. It made me feel fuller, while all my other boyfriends left me running on empty. Despite that burden, I was light. I could fly when I was with him. Nick was different because it meant something to me.

And it was Jack who put it into the words that gave me pause, with an awful, terrible smirk as he pulled out another cigarette from the carton.

“You’re a little scared about that, huh?”

No. I was scared  _ shitless _ .

“...Shut up.”

He huffed something and lit up again. “Well, look at that. The punk of podunk is all twitterpated.”

“Shut. Up.”

“Answer the question first,” he said, blowing out smoke. “Are you scared?”

What was his game in trying to get me to admit that I was? Did it just give him some satisfaction or was he trying to get some dirt over me? I glanced over my shoulder at Travis and Angus, feasting on their free party spoils and oblivious to our conversation. No chance of bailing me out of this confrontation any time soon.

“...I am,” I hissed at Jack. “Alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Kinda,” he smirked. “It means you have a heart. And, honestly, that makes me feel a lot better.”

“You think you’re so smart?” I asked. “Don’t you? That you got everyone around you figured out and can just mess with them? That’s why I can’t  _ stand  _ you. You have such an ego that makes you smug and believe you’re untouchable. You think you’re better than anyone else. Better at everything.”

He went quiet for a while and then said.

“If I was better at everything, I would have been able to help my best friend when he needed me the most. But I couldn’t. You did that.”

The silence continued, save for the drum of my own heart.

“And that’s what scares  _ me _ the most,” he said when the lull had reached its crescendo. “You can influence him, even if you don’t know it. So far, it’s worked wonders for him. But what if there’s a conflict of interest? What if your paths lead you to different places? What if he has to make the choice between staying with you and following his dream?”

It was a thought that haunted me because I knew Nick was capable of doing exactly that. When Nick came to me last night with my guitar...I thought he had given up everything for it when I had made it clear that I didn’t want him to. I was ready to hate him for making that decision. But I couldn’t.

Deep down, I was relieved. And I hated myself for feeling like that.

It was selfish. It was wasteful. I was country trash and I knew it. Who could ever want to give up something for someone like me? A violent, bitter, hated, broken, bratty, vulgar, bitchy, punk who would never be worth a thing. I could never know what he saw in me. But there was something in Nick’s look that made me feel warm inside. Like maybe, just maybe, even someone as garbage as me might be a treasure to someone.

“What would you do?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“Do you love him too?”

“I don’t know,” I repeated.

“Well, sometimes actions speak louder than words. Even if it's words that I need from you right now. That’s why I wanted to talk to you about this stuff. Settle things, right here and now and give you an answer you can fall back on.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I’m going to make a promise to you,” Jack said, looking straight into my eyes again. “I will never interfere with your relationship with Nick. If you two make stupid decisions together, I might speak up. But I won’t ever force my opinions on the matter. As long as you’re both happy, then I will be too.”

He took a deep breath mixed with smoke.

“But in exchange, you can’t let him ever lose sight of that drive. There’s a bigger picture here than just the two of you and I think you know that deep down. That’s his life. That’s his fire. We won’t ever have to be friends. But maybe, I hope, we can come to this sort of understanding.”

Of all the things I could see Jack doing, with what little I knew about him, the offered paw he gave me was among the last. It was in that moment that I liked to think I learned a little bit more about him. And he with me. With that paw shake, we were on equal footing. So, I accepted it.

He smiled from under his stick.

“I’m glad. Feel better now that we’ve made our peace?”

No. I wanted to see Nick again, but at the same time I didn’t. My head was hurting and I needed a cigarette.

Jack took notice of my silence as I pulled away from him and stared at the ground.

“You’re allowed to wait,” he said to me. “If he says the magic words. Nick’s anything if patient with people, else we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

“Yeah…”

Behind us, Travis was starting to pluck his bass guitar with a wad of cornbread dangling from his mouth. The first break was over and it was going to be getting right back to it as the party went on.

“Mind if I keep these?” Jack asked, shaking my packet of smokes.

“Sure,” I replied, throwing up Josie’s strap over my shoulders. “Whatever.”

“Cool. Shred it up then. Wish I could stay but I’m going to go give Nick some support. Be back when he is.”

He gave me a wave while I just returned it with a glower. Heavy thoughts on my mind with going right back to it with a few practice chords. But I couldn’t trouble myself with anything when we had a performance to do.

* * *

I felt every note as we carried on with the lineup, songs picked by Humphrey which we had spent practicing together. I stayed focused. If I let my mind wander, I’d throw the whole song into discord. So, I put on a face and tried not to think about any four letter words.

“Judy,” Travis snapped me out of it. “We’re on break again.”

So fast. The last eight or so songs went by like they were nothing. Though my right paw throbbed through the aches of my callouses. I slouched for a moment before jumping off the stage. When I looked down, I saw that my fingers were actually turning red with the signs of blood. I didn’t even realize I was hungry until someone waved a grilled carrot on a stick in my face.

“Hey there,” Humphrey’s cheery voice was not what I needed to hear with enough on my mind.

Throughout the party, I caught glimpses of Humphrey here and there. Mostly leading dad around, introducing him to people to get his attention off me. Once in a while, I’d see her look my way and smirk at my performance. It was like having your mother check up on you when you were out with your friends.

“Here you go. I didn’t see you eat yet. I can almost hear your stomach over the guitar.”

That was usually the prompt to me saying something off-color to her in return. Over the years of knowing each other, Humphrey and I had developed something of a rapport. I’d cause trouble, she’d show up, she’d scold me, I’d give her lip and then the game started all over again. With my mind where it was though, the only thing I could do was mumble my thanks and accept the carrot.

Somehow the polite thing to do was evidently the wrong thing too.

“You okay, Jude? You’re playing great up there. It’s not too warm out for you, is it?”

Cue the annoyed teenager sigh. “No. I’m fine, thanks.”

“The other band members aren’t giving you trouble, are they? Do I need to talk to the ferret?”

Travis had given me some respectful silence since his little speech before we began. And Angus was Angus. That let me focus on the one thing I knew I was good at. Play.

“No. And please don’t.”

I hoped I had finally given her the hint that I wasn’t in the mood to be talking to anyone. That she should just frown and wander off back to the party, having filled her quota to keep me fed and be satisfied with that. Instead she pulled out her phone and dialed a number.

“What are you doing?” I asked with a concerned voice as she brought the phone to her ear.

“You’ll see,” she waited until I could hear the tone of a default voicemail. “Hm. Might be busy. Let’s try this instead.”

She pounded in another number with her hooves. I cocked my head and took a bite of my carrot, trying to figure out what she was planning. It didn’t take long when I heard the name of who answered.

“Officer Savage!” Humphrey had on an eager voice, even by her standards. “I was trying to get in touch with Wilde. Is he busy?”

I swallowed the bite whole.

“Ah. Well, is he still under water?”

“Oh, well. That’s good news then.”

“Absolutely.”

I could hear my heartbeat again when Nick’s voice came over the line. I cursed my rabbit ears and took another bite.

“How’s it hanging, Wilde?”

“Ursula kicking you in the tail?”

Humphrey’s eyes turned to me with a hint of mischief to them. Was this some sort of revenge for all the trouble I had ever given her in the past? If so, she picked the perfect time for it. With the last person I felt ready to talk to.

“I have someone here who wants to talk to you. Want me to put her on?”

_ Please say no. Please say no. _

I knew he wasn’t going to though. Humphrey stretched out the phone, leaving me obligated to answer it. But, within my mess of emotions, what was I even going to say to him? My mouth moved on its own and a voice whose mood I didn’t recognize spoke up in my place. She sounded happy.

“Hey, dumb fox.”

“ _ Hey, _ ” he replied. I could hear his smile from across the line. “ _ Done already? _ ”

“Not even close,” I huffed playing with the carrot in my paw. “I’m on break for lunch. We’ve played like twenty songs and my fingers are bleeding.”

His response came in broken. I had to wonder where he was with such poor reception. I guessed deep in the woods, as we saw them go off in that direction.

“. _..Use a pick...Only going to get harder...Goes on… _ ”

I should have been annoyed with everyone worrying about me. But hearing  _ his  _ concern made me smile.

“Fine, I’ll borrow one from Travis.”

There was a long pause, but for some reason it didn’t feel awkward. Nor was I ready to stop talking with him.

“How’s the games?”

“ _...Not going to believe this...she has us...the thing with...rock you had me...in the lake. _ ”

I huffed at the guessing game the connection was having me play, piecing together what Nick was trying to say to me.

“Told you it was legit training.”

“ _ You...made it up on the spot. I remember. _ ”

“I didn’t say that exactly. You should be thanking me, not sitting there complaining.”

It was how it always went, not a single thing different.

He’d push himself and complain about it. I’d knock some sense into him with some harsh words and a taste of reality. It was funny how quickly we fell into that pattern. And how, never once, did my mouth send him running away like it did so many other guys. Though I expected he’d get tired of me eventually, he never did and we kept growing closer.

For the longest time, I thought that he was just being friendly with me. Humoring me. I begged and pleaded that would be just all in my head, even making a complete fool of myself as we worked out what we weren’t. And then when he finally told me that wasn’t the case. That it all just wasn’t in my head. That even complete trash like me deserved a little moment of happiness. That I meant something to him too.

It made me feel special. Needed. Especially since I knew what he had been through to admit it to me.

We hadn’t even been official for more than twenty four hours. Why? Why did I want to say such a stupid thing to him? That was reckless. That was rushing it. It was getting my hopes up again only to open myself up to being hurt. Then came the other voice in my head.  _ Just say it, you idiot. Jack’s right. You know Nick feels the same way about you too. _

With the two voices in conflict with each other, I was left in silence. A void I needed to fill for Nick.

“You okay?”

“ _ Yeah, _ ” I could hear it in his voice at that moment. Something was wrong. And in that moment, nothing else mattered. Not even my own problems. “ _...Fine. Just got put against a beaver for swimming...Can imagine how that went. _ ”

“Occasional bouts of drowning?”

“ _...Know that. Foxes aren’t built for swimming...Running. Or climbing. _ ”

He was feeling inadequate. I knew he was. I didn’t expect the ZPD to hold back with these recruitment games. I knew only the best would try their paw at them. He was seeing that for the first time and seeing how he’d measure up against them. And I couldn’t be there to support. No wonder Jack had left.

But I could give him a pep talk.

“So, what are foxes built for?”

I waited for him to give the reply I wanted to hear.

“ _...Winning. _ ”

“Then win,” I replied. “Win and get back here. Don’t let a stupid beaver get in your way.”

“ _ What about a hippo?...Bobcats? Or a deer? _ ”

“Whatever. Beat 'em all. And then get your ass back here. You hear me?”

_ Get back to me so I can tell you how much you matter, despite all those mammals you’re competing against. You’re better than all of them because you’re important to me. Get back to me so I can show you what you mean to me. _

“ _ I hear you. _ ”

“Good,” I found myself smiling again. “I’ll keep my eyes out for you at the show.”

“ _ Count on it...You soon. _ ”

He sounded determined again when I hung up. He didn’t need me distracting him, just enough to give me a reason to see it through to the end. Even though I desperately wanted to see him again.

Across from me, Humphrey was grinning.

“What?” I asked, passing her phone back and taking another bite of my carrot.

“Oh, nothing,” she replied. “Though I should chastise you for language, I think I can give it a pass. You’re an adult now, after all. And I think it shows.”

I hid my blush by turning away, not wishing to give her the satisfaction of seeing her get to me. “Shut up…”

With fuel in my belly, I could focus on the show. And, more importantly, what I had in mind that came after it. Maybe Jack was right, to an extent. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. And I couldn’t afford to back down now with the plan already in place. Maybe I knew, deep down already, what four letter words needed to be said.


End file.
